Have you heard the news? They will be making a sequel to “Mamma Mia”. It will be called “Pappa Pia”, and it will have the same great music in it as “Mamma Mia”. The people who brought you the world’s most successful smalz will now bring you more of that schmaltz. I’m talking ABBA here. You spell it backwards it is still ABBA.
For doing “Mamma Mia”, the producers were able to talk Meryl Streep, Colin Firth and Pierce Brosnan into a free vacation on a Greek island and give them beaucoup bucks. Didn’t matter that none of them can sing. They just had to show up and lip-sync and all would be well. Unfortunately Pierce wanted to give his singing the old college try. Well, he gave it the old college try. I, for one, have to say that he should go back to playing 007. He is no singer.
Now we know all three of these people can act. They can act up a storm. They’ve all proved it too. Pierce did a great job in “Tailor in Panama” and he was a pretty decent James Bond. Colin was a darn good Darcy in “Pride and Prejudice” and stuttered his way through “The King’s Speech”. Even got an Oscar for his portrayal as King George VI. That was how good he was.
And Meryl, my God, Ms. Streep can act. We all know that. Her performances as Julia Child and Margaret Thatcher were spot on. That’s why they were chosen for “Mamma Mia” and it wasn’t based on their singing credentials. The producers wanted people who could fake singing while having a good time. The producers just couldn’t find any other big stars to embarrass themselves on the big screen in this big movie. So they took who they could get. “Besides you guys get to sing, man.” Every actor’s dream. It all goes to show what some people will do for a free vacation on a Greek island and the chance to dance around in spandex.
So, for the new movie, “Pappa Pia”, it will have a whole new score. ABBA is composing it right now as I write this blog. The plan is to get Brad Pitt. I’ve heard he really loves Greek islands. We all saw how much in “Troy”. Now didn’t we? This time he will be a man getting ready to marry. He has spent his whole life slumming on the beach as a beach bum on a Greek island. He is with his dad who is none other than Sir Michael Caine. His father has never told him who his mother is. But Brad has sneaked a peek at his father’s letters. Brad’s mom could be one of three women whom he has secretly invited to the wedding. Goldie Hawn, Helen Mirren and Jessica Lange. Just to make sure Jessica will show up, they’ve hired Sam Shepard to captain the ship the three will take to the Greek island. And who do you think Brad will marry? You guessed it. None other than Jennifer Aniston, that’s who.
Aren’t you excited? Personally I can’t wait. And who knows. Maybe, if this one is as successful as the first, we could just possibly get a third, “Baby Mia”. Now wouldn’t that be grand.