There’s Always a Book…

and maybe, just maybe a made-for-TV movie. Take somebody who saw Princess Diana on TV. Went to see her at an event. That’s Event with a capital E ‘cause it was Princess Di that was the Event. The somebody stood hours in the rain, her umbrella not able to protect her from the downpour. Then, miracle of miracles, the Princess of Wales reached out and shook her hand. She shook her hand. Ms. Somebody couldn’t believe it. She hasn’t washed that hand since. Now she has written a book. Called it The Unwashed Hand. It sells dozens. Then a big-shot producer reads it and wants to make a movie. The Oprah Channel has tons of time to fill. Why not fill some of that time with The Unwashed Hand, a movie about the hand that Princess Di shook.

Oh, you think this is not possible. Look at the Kardashians or The Real Housewives of Atlanta or Jersey Shore or Honey Boo Boo (she’s so darn cute). People with absolutely boring lives. The only thing that makes them interesting is that they are on TV.

So why not me? I mean my life isn’t all that interesting. Sure, I’m a blogger. But so was the blogger who cooked up a storm and blogged about it. She ended up with something better than a made-for-TV movie. She got a major motion picture, or at least, half of one. She was the Julie in “Julie and Julia” and she was played by up-and-comer Amy Adams. All because she rode the coattails of somebody who was Somebody. She chose to cook Julia Childs’ recipés and write about it.

You see how we live in a day and an age when more and more people can get their fifteen minutes of fame. Anybody can be a star. You just have to learn how to milk your fifteen minutes for all it’s worth.

Paris Hilton is a great role model for this. Completely boring human being, except she’s rich and good at partying. The biggest crisis in her life is which pair of shoes to buy. After chewing over the decision for a half hour, she still can’t make up her mind. Why does it take so long? Both pairs are truly worthy of her feet. After a lot of hemming-and-hawing, she makes a decision. She’ll take both.

And what does it cost her? Nothing. Nada. Not one penny. How does she get away with that? Does she shoe-lift? Absolutely not. She may be a celebrity but she does have her dignity. She is no kleptomaniac. (Note to MTV: a reality show about shoe-lifters. It’ll be a hit.)

Why does Paris Hilton get those shoes free of charge? She wanted those shoes. She’s on TV. They must be great shoes. Pretty soon the shoe company triples the price and still can’t keep them in stock. Every thirteen-year-old girl in America wants those shoes. Has to have those shoes. Even though they may be the most uncomfortable shoes in the universe, they are a must. All because Paris Hilton wanted them, and she’s on TV.

Remember Seinfeld. He did a show about nothing. That is nothing with a little n. Because it was on TV, and on for nine years, it became a show about something. What that Something was we’re still not sure. But it was about Something. Why? Millions watched it. They talked about it at work. They talked about it at dinner. They talked about it on dates. They talked about it while they waited in line at the grocery store. They talked about it when they took out the garbage.

The show about nothing became so popular people didn’t even need to mention “Seinfeld”. All they had to say was “Yadda yadda yadda.” All across America, we’d be hearing one yadda after another.

“So I yadda yaddaed last night.”

“You didn’t?”

“I did, and yadda yadda yadda, it was a great party.’

“What did your mom say when you came in?”

“Yadda yadda yadda, of course. But I yadda yaddaed her back”

So what does it all mean?

Yadda yadda yadda. Yadda yadda.


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