It’s getting harder and harder to keep the holidays straight. Last year was very rough. On Halloween, I dressed up in my Easter Bunny costume, said “Ho, ho, ho” to the Tricker-or-treaters and gave out mugs of green beer for treats. For Christmas, I dressed my tree with Halloween masks, turned on the lights and just about scared Santa back to the North Pole when he came down the chimney. I have to tell you he was none too happy about the stockings I left him to fill. They were three turkey skins.
Just to cover my rear end, this year I sent Jack Frost a dozen red roses for Valentine’s Day. I lit fireworks for Ground Hog Day, hoping there wouldn’t be a shadow in sight. I was so confused I went out to salute the veterans on Labor Day and was curious why there was no Labor Day picnics on Memorial Day. But I got to tell you the worst was the Fourth of July. I put out a jack ‘o lantern in front of my house, went out trick or treating and left marshmallow bunnies at everybody’s house I knocked on.
Needless to say all my neighbors thought I had been drinking a little too much eggnog. At least it was green in honor of St. Paddy’s Day.
And this year has been more of the same. Seems that the Grinch stole Thanksgiving instead of Christmas what with all the retailers opening up, during the football games and the Thanksgiving dinner. What’s a family to do? Next we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving by being thankful for the place in line we have in front of Walmart. The least they can do is serve turkey dinner to the waiting participants of Black Friday madness. Since it’s no longer Black Friday that Black Friday is on, you’d think they would rename it to Bah humbug Thursday.
Then there’s Cyber Monday which is no longer on Monday but as soon as Amazon can get the banners out. Thing is if I hold my breath and count to ten the real bargains will show up two weeks after Thanksgiving. The retailers will start getting desperate. If they don’t beat last year’s numbers Wall Street will declare Christmas a bust and we’ll be getting lumps of coal in our stockings next year, no matter whether we’ve been naughty or nice. And there will be no bonus checks for the hedge fund managers. Won’t that be a real bah-humbug?
Well, all I can say is give thanks to the Grinch. It’s all his fault. At least Scrooge reformed. The Grinch never does.