Guitar Man

Finally got it. Been wanting it a long time. It’s been on my wish list for God-knows forever. Santa came through this year. It was all wrapped up in green holiday paper and a nice red ribbon. Even had a bow. It’s a new, six string, electric Zephyr Breeze, the best air guitar ever made by the hand of man. Now that’s what I consider a big wow.

All those years of singing in the shower and practicing “Still My Guitar Gently Weeps” in my bedroom have paid off. I am ready to go public. I may not be good enough to stand next to Spinal Tap but I am pretty good doing what I do.

If Justin Bieber and Cody Simpson can do it, why can’t I? Do what, you ask? Be You tube guy and have a career in my chosen endeavor. What do those guys have that I don’t? Oh, sure they’re ever so cutesy-wutesy. So, big cheese. I’d die my hair blonde if I had hair. I can be the first bald-headed teen idol. And once I get all that fame, I can be the next train wreck the way the Biebs is doing.

Besides I have something going those two don’t. I write my own songs. And I do know who the Beatles were. Last song I wrote started off with these lyrics:

“Other guys have girl friend troubles.

Me, I am lactose intolerant.”

Now I’m a ready teddy. I really know how to boogie. And tune my guitar. My next step is to get in the groove and start my own band. I plan on playing lead and singing. Already I have recruited four others: an air bass player, an air rhythm man and an air drummer. The fifth in the band will be a woman on air keyboard. We’re going to really rock.

Were going to call ourselves Air-o-smith but that sounded like another band. So we’ve come up with something even better. We’ll be Pluto and the Plutonians. I will be Pluto and I plan to scream out the lyrics on “We want our planet back”.


“We want our planet back, jack.

You don’t give it back

We’ll give you a great big whack

Put you in the black.

1. I’m way out in space

In the Nothing Zone

Minding my business

Leaving others alone

Circling ’round the sun

With my five moons

Nix, Hydra and Styx

Kerberos and Charon

2.Sure, four other planets

Have a whole bunch more

And some have not one

But I’m not keeping score

Along comes this guy

Says that I do not

Deserve planet status

Want to say, thanks a lot

3.All this time and more

I’ve been holding up

My end of the system

And not passing the buck

Stopping all those rocks

Some kind of a crowd

All those big asteroids

And meteors earth bound

4.Taking more than my share

Of the many lumps

And now you’re treating

Me like some kind of chump

So won’t you pretty please

Give me some good cheer

Make this a great season

Give me Christmas this year.”

Should be a hit, don’t you think? I know I do.


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