Often I let my inner groucho come out for a little looksee. Mostly I do it with language. So here is some thoughts for your edification on Uncle Bardie here doing his Uncle Bardie thing.
Language is a wonderful thing I love to play around with. Give me a word like garbage and I am going to be doing a Norm Crosby and say garabage. It’s something I can’t resist.
Did you know there’s supposed to be a funny font? Well, I am here to tell you I don’t think Comic Sans is up to the job. Squirrelly thang, isn’t it? One thing is for sure. It ain’t no Louis C. K.
Talk about songs. I like to take songs and throw them for a loop. Feliz navidad becomes Police-know-it-all. Don’t think so. Just try it.
You know Paul McCartney wrote a song about al Qaeda? It’s called Band on the Run.
I once wrote a story that used this playfulness with language. It was called “I tink I can, I tink I can”. The opening paragraph went like this:
Jan Horstafeller vas a mighty fine fellow. He ate his haggalogen on Vod’s Day, Tor’s Day und Freya’s Day. As he scarfened down his haggalogen, his cappagaggas growed to ten feet vide und twenty feet large und Jan Horstafeller vas only a vee bit of a Horstafeller. Haggalogen has tat effect on der person. It enlarges von’s capagaggas enourmously. Yah, tat it does.
There was more but that’s enough. I can hear all my fans out there, yelling, “Turn it off. Pleeze.”
What started this blog off was a question I keep asking about English. If more than one child is a children and more than one brother is a brethren, how come more than one sister isn’t a sistern? If a female actor is called an actress, if a female waiter is a waitress, if a female priest is a priestess, if a female enchanter is an enchantress, if a female tempter is a temptress, how come a female adult isn’t an adultress? Think about it.
And if the humor ain’t flowing. If the laughter ain’t coming out of its hole, here’s some jokes for all you discriminating readers.
Nudist woman says to her friend, “I have a blind date tonight, and I don’t have a thing to wear.”
We all know that strippers are popular for bachelor and bachelorette parties these days. My question is what does a nudist have at their bachelor or bachelorette party? A clotheser.
Nudist mother takes a look at her new born baby and says to the nurse, “He looks just like his father.”
You know what you call a private investigator among nudists? I don’t know either, but it is not a private dick.
What do you call a dad’s bike? A popcycle.
Why is the largest party day of the year in the middle of Lent? I’m talking Saint Patrick’s Day here folks. Think about it.
How do they get those bunnies to lay those Easter eggs? Think about it.
Why is it we go to doctors and lawyers who are just practicing? If you had a plumber who was just practicing, wouldn’t you get rid of him. What happened to my kidney? you ask. Oh, the doctor removed it. Why? He was just practicing. Think about it.
Here’s something to think about. Don’t know if you remember the country comedian Minnie Pearl but here’s some mini pearls I have come up with. Did you know that Minnesota (mini soda) means little Coca Cola? Did you know that menopause means little hands? It’s pronounced mini paws. Did you know that Minneapolis means little town? Minnehaha is little laughter. Think about it.
And think about this. The Oxford English Dictionary people are thinking about adding Mx to their dictionary. It can be used as an alternative to Mr., Mrs., Ms. and Miss. So, when you get married, you will be pronounced Mx and Mx. Big question. Who will be the Mx and who will be the Mx? Puts a whole new spin on the term mxmarriage, doesn’t it?
Tae boo: to scare the pounds off of you.
Punctuation, punctuation, punctuation. What a pain. Guess that’s why it’s called punk-tuation, huh?
When I think semi-colon, I ask when is it going to grow up and become the colon it’s meant to be. I hardly ever use a colon. It calls me to think that my writing may just need a colonoscopy.
I do love to invent words like curioddities.
Add –licious (-icious) to a word and you have a new adjective. Adding –licious to a word intensifies the experience. Example: googlelicious.
incidii (pronounced en-sid-dee-eye): more than one incidious. As in: The incidii conspired to make me look like a fool. Examples of the incidii: People of Walmart website. Facebook, Youtube, Google+
Bet you think I am getting geniuser and geniuser. One of these days I too might be the geniusest.
Now admit it. You did chuckle a little along the way, didn’t you? C’mon, adimit it. No? Then why are you smiling?