Hamlet: A Meeting in the Hall

Act 4 Scene 2.

“Yo, Hamlet,” someone calls out from behind Hamlet as the Prince he strides his way down the hall.

Hamlet turns. “If it ain’t Guildenstern.”

“Rosencrantz, me Lord.”

“I swear I am going to have to get each of you a t-shirt so I can tell the two of you apart.”

“Yes, me Lord. What did you do with the body?”

Hamlet smiles. “Are you the police? If you are going to arrest me, I get my one phone call. I have a ghost in mind to call. You ever talk to a ghost?”

“I have not talked to a ghost. Don’t think I’d like it. And I am not the police.”

“Phew.” Hamlet swipes his forehead like he’s starting to sweat. “Had me worried there, Rosenstern.”

“Rosencrantz, me Lord.”

“Yes. Well, you had me worried. Not many people do that these days.”

“Yes, me Lord.”

“You do that “yes me Lord” business pretty good. You’re going to make a first rate kowtower.You do have your kowtowing license, don’t you?”

“Thank you, me Lord. As I was about to say, His Magnanimousness, would like to see you.”

“Now we’re getting down to business. The king, you say?”

“Yes, me Lord. The king. And he will want the body.”

“Aw, c’mon, Rosenstern, what body would that be?”

“The body of the dead counselor, Polonius.”

Hamlet’s face questions. “Polonius?”

“Yes, me Lord.”

“Polonius is dead?”

“Yes, me Lord.”

“That’s curious. I just saw him hiding behind some drapes. Are you sure he is dead?”

“He is dead, me Lord. Where is his body?”

“Oh, that body. It’s in good care.”

“Where is the body, me Lord?”

“The aliens took it off to Roswell and Area 51.”

“There are no aliens, me Lord.”

“Just kidding.” Hamlet is bemused. “I followed Juliet’s advice, Rosenstern.”

“Advice, me Lord?”

“You know what Juliet advises, ‘Take him and cut him out in little stars.’ That advice.”

Rosencrantz can’t believe his ears. “You didn’t.”

“Aw, but I did,” Hamlet smiles.

Rosencrantz isn’t sure whether to believe Hamlet or not. “Then where are the pieces?”

“Now that is the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question. I’d say they are somewhere between here and Bavaria. I FedEx-ed them off to the Witch Doctor, Herr Doktor Frankenstein. He’s been in desperate need of body parts. Better to send them to him than Hannibal Lector, don’t you think?”

“The king will want an explanation, me Lord.”

“Well, he shall get one, now won’t he? Tell the king I am on my way. I just have one stop. I have to go number one.”

“Yes, me Lord.”


1 thought on “Hamlet: A Meeting in the Hall

  1. Strange, but I have a long history of mixing up, forgetting, and transposing syllables when trying to say Rosencrantz and Guildenstern; so this Hamlet installment will be among my favorites.

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