The Thank You Note
Dear Mr. Hamsun,
I want to thank you for that F you gave me for American history this semester. I’m writing this at the behest of my dad. He believes that you were very courageous in giving me that grade since my dad is on the Board of Trustees and he could fire your rear. However, Dad believes that you should learn from your mistake. You will have to take a cut in salary for the next semester.
Response to the Thank You Note
Thank you for the nice note. Your dad is right. One only learns from one’s mistakes. When I was in prison for embezzling at Enron, I had a lot of time to think. Thinking it over I came to realize that I had been one selfish bastard and I needed to change. My days at Enron had been go-go-go, party-party-party, and now here I was doing time. By the way, I had a lovely cellmate. He was in for bank robbery—and he taught me all sorts of tricks of the trade. Which I intend to share with my class next term. It’s called practical steps to success in business. Hope you’ll attend.
As I lay there on my bunk night after night, I realized I had wronged a lot of people: my former co-workers, my girlfriend Gretchen (I loved calling her Gretchen, not Gretch as her brother often insisted), but most of all I disappointed and harmed my mom. It brought little tears to my eyes. I had been a wuss. Would Mom ever forgive me? You can let everyone else down, but please don’t let your mom down.
Anyway I learned from my mistakes and here I am teaching little runts like yourself the ABC’s of life. So get a life, come to my class next term and learn a trade.