At first, Betty Sue Elmora Doris Bobbie Jo Pudding-Sneeze was not pleased at the Do Naughty nomination of her husband as President of these United States of America. Not pleased at all. It scared the bejeesus out of her but good. The furthest she’d been out of Weazel-Sneeze was Snort Holler. She wasn’t sure she’d know what to do with herself anywhere else. She might even have to take on manners.
On top of that she would have to learn how to speak foreign. Oh, sure she could understand a bit of Alabama and some of Mississippi, but she’d now have to communicate Yankee. Why she couldn’t understand a lick of New York. Them folks not only spoke foreign, they acted foreign too. It would be like a person going to a completely planet. What she’d heard of New Yorkers, they didn’t seem to have a bit of manners.
Then there was this campaign manager business. What in the name of Goof-Off Sneeze did she know about campaign managing? Not one thang. All she’d ever wanted to do in her life was settle down with P F Sneeze, help him with his pig farm and raise a boodle of kids. She’d gotten her first two wishes and they had been over-the-moon. The house was spick and span. The pigs were doing real good. Why, Bessie Mae Hogg could win first prize this year at the Podunk Fair.
And she loved that fair too. It was her big chance to hang out with all her friends and gossip about the gossip. All them lights. She bet even New York City didn’t light up like the Podunk Fair. Here she was going to have to give up all that, and for what? To run the campaign of her husband who had decided to get too big for his britches. What was he thinking? He couldn’t be no President. He could barely run the pig farm. How was he going to run the country?
Besides all of that, she wasn’t a Do Naughty. She was a registered Do Evie. They’d find out and she would be the laughing stock of Podunk County. She wasn’t having anything to do with that.
She put on her best knickers, picked up her baseball bat and headed off to catch a train for the Do Naughty Political Convention. She was going to knock some sense into that fool if it killed her.
Next week A Whole Lot of Convincing