Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick: Simple Song

It’s Thursday again. You know what that means. Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick. Uncle Bardiie gives a double thumbs up to this week’s selection. “Simple Song” by John Paul White and Southern Family:

I know this one’s a sad song. But it’s an honest sad song. No fake emotion like some of the songs you hear on the radio.

I first realized there was a new country music coming round the bend when I heard Jason Isbell, doing “Traveling Along”. For way too long, there was this country music trying to out-pop pop or out-rock rock. It even tried to out-rap rap. It was enough to make a feller want to kick that can as far as Mars. Then Ashley Munroe’s “Dixie” landed on my ears. Finally I was going to get some good old country music that knew how to country music. Something that most would call Old School Country, and what I call Just Country.

The kind of music Hank and Ferlin and George and Patsy and Merle played. The kind that could easily be called White Man’s Blues. The kind that can be located on the very country album, “Southern Family”. The first song on the album lays down something you don’t normally hear from recording artists these days.  John Paul White, formerly of Civil Wars, gives the listener this “Simple Song”. It’s more than a sad song. It’s a man losing someone to the Angel of Death. As far as I know, Andrew Bird’s “My Sister’s Tiny Hands” is one of the few others giving grieving its due.

Few artists have the courage to do what John Paul White and Andrew Bird do with these songs. Mourn. This is something we all do and yet it is not very often recognized by those who give us our music. For grieving is something our society often says we should avoid. “Get over it.” Yet most of us have lost someone and we can’t get over it. Their passing left us devastated.

So my song post for this week is “Simple Song” by John Paul White and Southern Family. It honors our grief.

Politics in America 16: All aboard the Weazel Sneeze Express

When he gave his first State of the Campaign speech on Labor Day, it was short and brief. P F Sneeze simply stepped out on the stage in front of the Statue of Liberty, took a gander at the crowd, waved and left the stage. It was so refreshing to hear a politician actually say absolutely nothing. Oh sure, politicians were used to saying absolutely nothing, and they said it with a lot of words. But this was the first time any politician had used no words to say it. The voters didn’t know what to do with themselves.

Little Twerp of the Do Evies went on for hours with his speech. With him, the voters got everything but the kitchen sink. Sometimes he even threw that in for good measure.

P F Sneeze took a train across the country. At each stop, Hunka-hunka Burning Love opened the Vegas-istc show.  He was backed up by the Weazel Sneezettes, Barbara Ann Butts and the Buttstettes who were her four daughters, Bubble, Bunnie, Patootie and Muffin Buttswith. They went on stage and sang the Campaign Theme Song:

We’re gonna-gonna-gonna have ourselves a chat
Lemme-lemme-lemme tell you where it’s at
We’re gonna-gonna-gonna get ourselves a rat
We’ll squash that Little Twerp like a gnat.

For some strange reason, this did not work. The polls were showing Little Twerp ahead by leaps and bounds. In other words, Little Twerp was ahead by a lot, and then some.

The polls had to be wrong. They just had to be wrong. Were the American people going to elect Little Twerp for President? It was beginning to look that way.

Big Al Fresco and Betty Sue Pudding put their heads together. The voters were not falling for the Andrew Jackson look. They were not falling for the log cabin bit. No matter that Barbara Ann and Buttstettes wore the skimpiest costumes in the history of election campaigns. Skimpier than the time Mary Todd Lincoln and Eleanor Roosevelt sang a duet on Late Night Television. The voters were neither charmed nor sexified with the Do Naughty Campaign.

Big Al and Betty Sue had to do something but fast. Finally they made up their minds. P F would appear on all the news shows. On top of that he would do the Daily Show, Saturday Night Live and Stephen Colbert. Then he would debate Little Twerp off the stage in the Presidential Debate to beat all Presidential Debates.

60 Minutes, CNN, CNBC, Fox, ABC, NBC, CBS, Bill Mayer all interviewed P F Sneeze so that the voters could get a real good looksee at this Man of the Peeps.

P F opened his interview with a statement. “I did not sleep with that woman.”

“What woman did you not sleep with?” the interviewer asked.

“The woman you are thinking of,” P F answered. “The woman you’ve been sleeping with.”

Well, you can imagine how the interviewer took that. He turned green at the gills. Then he ended the interviewer.

“What about China?” “60 Minutes” asked.

“We like the Chinese food. Especially chow mein. And I just love fortune cookies.”

“What about Korea?”

“What about Korea?” Candidate Sneeze answered.

“And the French?”

“I just love French fries. Especially if they are made in America.”

P F Sneeze gave all the right answers. And they were always boring. Unlike Little Twerp who tawked and tawked and tawked three hours about “that” woman. He just wouldn’t shut up about her.

For some reason the American people found sexual dalliance more to their liking than boring dalliance.

Next Week Debate Anyone?

Uncle Bardie’s Movie of the Week: Entrepreneurship is alive and well in Dublin

Once a week on Monday, Uncle Bardie shares a movie with his Readers he gives a big two thumbs up. It will simply be a short excerpt or a trailer. Uncle Bardie might even throw in a reflection on the movie. If so, it will make an appearance below the video. So pop some popcorn and give yourself a treat. This week’s movie is “Quackser Fortune Has A Cousin in the Bronx” (1970).

One of the great things about doing the movie of the week post is I get to point my readers to quality movies either forgotten or missed. This week’s movie belongs to those categories.

Gene Wilder received rave reviews for his portrayal of the funeral director in “Bonnie and Clyde”. Then he was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his work in Mel Brooks’ “The Producers”. For his fourth film, he chose a quiet little movie, “Quackser Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx”. He was joined by another actor just starting out her career, Margot Kidder. This was before “Terms of Endearment” and her Lois Lane opposite Christopher Reeve’s Superman.

“Quackser” is what one reviewer, Gene Shalit, called an earthy romance. What could be more earthy than manure? Horse manure, to be exact. Of all the jobs in the world, I can’t think of one I’d rather not do than manure salesman. Like they say, and they say it a lot, it’s a tough job and somebody’s got to do it.

Quackser, portrayed by Gene Wilder, not only does it but he enjoys the work. He is both manure collector and manure salesman pushing his cart around Dublin and collecting the the leavings of the horses that pull the dairy vans. Then he sells the horse dung to housewives as fertilizer for their flower beds and gardens.

Plying his trade, Quackser sees himself living the life of Riley. He is his own boss. If he chooses to take a few hours off for a bit on the side, there’s no one to tell him no. If he wants to quit at one in the afternoon and take a pint with a female friend, no one’s going to stop him. He works out doors all day. He gets to see the streets of Dublin. Being a man who likes people, he is able to meet all types.

Quackser is an entrepreneur, though a lot think not. He operates a business with a low overhead. His product is free for the taking. The only overhead he has is his sandwiches for lunch and keeping his cart in good running shape. On top of that, he’s doing a public service and not charging the city. It’s a win-win for everybody.

Unfortunately a month after the movie starts, the dairy send away all the horses and replace them for motorized vans. Seems that the horse drawn vans are going the way of the buggy whip and buckboard, reminding the viewer that technological progress has a cost.

Don’t think this movie is just about manure. It isn’t. As I said earlier, it’s an earthy romance. Margot Kidder is an American student at Trinity College. She almost runs him down in a borrowed red sports car. Quackser and Margot fall into a romance. They are two people from two different worlds. Yet they are attracted to each other.

The romance and the downside of his business is enough to force Quackser to realize it’s time for a change. He either must get a job in the foundry or go off to the Bronx in America. Fortunately his name isn’t Quackser Fortune for nothing. See this little gem. It will put a smile on your face.


A new household product

Here at Uncle Bardie Labs we are thinking of the American consumer and their needs. We’ve scratched our heads and butted those heads against the wall day after day for years. We wanted to come up with a new product that would benefit Mr. and Mrs. America and the little Kiddie Americas. We searched and searched our warehouses. We searched and searched our offices. We searched and searched our filing cabinets. Finally, and I do mean finally, behind those just named cabinets, we found the plans for the perfect consumer product. One that revolutionizes the American home in the one place in need of a revolution.

We dusted off those plans. Believe me there was a lot of dust to shake off. It took us days. We cleaned them up and started to work. Now Uncle Bardie Labs is proud to announce its latest appliance in a long line of great appliances. This appliance lives up to our motto: “We’re not Schears. We not Wallymart. We’re Uncle Bardie’s.”

I’m sure you will agree when you see our brand spanking new sanitation feature. It’s the U B L 1, better known as Uncle Bardie Labs Flusher. This toilet will do everything you expect from a toilet and more.

1.For the first time in human history, this toilet recognizes if you are male or female. The ladies are just going to love this. The toilet seat automatically closes for your time on the throne. For the gentlemen, it raises when said gentlemen stand before the commode, ready for a number one deposit. As you can see, this would cut the divorce rates in half.

2.The Flusher has its own gps. When our customers wake up in the middle of the night, they don’t have to wonder where the bathroom went. Push a button and there will be a soft beep coming from the Flusher to provide a truly open trail to relief.

3.You’ve heard the saying, “Your poop stinks in that old peculiar way.” True relief has come. No longer will your poop stink. The Flusher has a spray which kills the stinko bacteria that stinks up everybody’s poop. Now you will be able to say with a straight face, “My poop don’t stink.”

4.The proud owner of a Flusher never has to worry about pushing that handle again. The Flusher does its own flushing. All the owner has to do is their thing. All the rest is done by this amazing product.

5.When the Flusher flushes, music will rise from it. The owner will have their choice of the music they want. EDM for the dancer. Rap for the “with it”. Rock for the hippie. Country for the down-homer. Classical for the elitist. Blues for the dateless and desperate. Jazz for the cool cat.

6.Another great unique feature is Wizzer. Wizzer? you ask. Wizzer is the Siri for the Flusher. You can easily program it for one of a variety of unique voices: the British butler, the French maid, the Russian Cossack, the Italian romeo and the good old American Trump-eter. While sitting, you can ask Wizzer for the daily news, for the local sales or just some chit-chat. And you will be glad when your teenager comes to you and says, “Wizzer just called me potty mouth. Make her quit.” Your response, of course, will be, “Don’t you know that Wizzer is a lady.”

7.On top of all these great benefits, here’s the topper. The Flusher is self-cleaning. It’s unique system using air pressure to do the work for the customer.

So be the first in your neighborhood to get a Flusher. It’s only $39.95 for 5000 payments. If you order within the next fifteen minutes you get an extra value product absolutely free. A roll of Uncle Bardie’s Toilet Tissue. With it, a little dab’ll do you. Just think you don’t have to use a whole roll. That’s good for the environment. And its soft gentleness is good for the asterisk. Unlike other tissue products that should be renamed sandpaper.

We think you will agree with us here at Uncle Bardie Labs that you will want to go for the gusto. You will want to invite all your neighbors in to show off this latest in bathroom facilities.

This is such a revolutionary product Steven Spielberg is making the first commercial for the Flusher. John Williams is composing a special tune. It is called “Poop Poop Fizz Fizz. Oh, what a relief it is.” That’s how special it is.

You are not going to find the Flusher in any store. It’s a one-time only offer. Just call 1-800-Urs-crwd. If you aren’t completely satisfied within thirty seconds of receiving the latest in twenty-first century technology, you can return it for a complete refund. But we think that’s not going to happen. Especially after you get a visit from one of our Men in Black.

Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick: Jumping Jack Flash / Young Blood

It’s Thursday again. You know what that means. Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick. Uncle Bardiie gives a double thumbs up to this week’s selection. Leon Russell performing with George Harrison at the 1971 Concert for Bangladesh, “Jumping Jack Flash/Young Blood:

Leon Russell can really kick butt. During the seventies, this Oklahoman gave us some unbelievable music, combining the energy of rock ‘n’ roll, soul, blue grass, gospel and blues. He could do no wrong. And in Joe Cocker, he found the perfect vehicle for his song, “Delta Lady”. As a songwriter, side musician and record producer, Leon made a steady living. But it was as a live performer that he put the WOW in wow. There was an energy to his performance that was unbelievable. As this piece of video shows. Leon is a force of nature. It was a thing of beauty to watch Leon show his chops.