Just when you think you can relax and enjoy the show, all hell breaks loose. After the Ellie May Marmalade Scandal, Betty Sue Pudding, the Mrs. P F Sneeze, and Big Al Fresco, the Big Cheese of the Do Naughties, had smiles on their faces the size of Texas. P F’s poll numbers were up big time. The kickbacks from Pig Pen USA were rolling in. Big Al’s new mistress, Ellie May Marmalade, was working out real nice. It looked like a grand old party.
America had fallen in love with P F Sneeze. People were lining up early in the morning for weeks on end to get themselves a pet hog just like P F’s very own Bessie Mae Hogg. It was Thanksgiving, Christmas and the Superbowl for pet stores all rolled into one. Even Welmartie got into the hog business.
All through October tens, hundreds, thousands showed up at P F Sneeze’s personal appearances. It was like a Donald Trump/Bernie Sanders event all rolled into one. The only thing in recent memory that could compete is a Jimmy Buffet Concert. Nothing can compete with the Margaritaville-and-Cheeseburger-in-Paradise Express. Not even the Second Coming. But P F Sneeze was getting close. There were even rumors the Pig Farmer from Weazel Sneeze could walk on water.
That’s when it happened. That’s when it always happens. Right when you are on top of the world. Just when Evel Knievel thought he could make that jump easy peasy. Right when you think it’s Mission Accomplished. Something always jumps out and bites you in the buttocks. Just ask Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford and Michael Dukakis and George Bush 41 and Bush 43. Most of the time, it’s not a tank or a Perot or shooting your lawyer. Most of the time it’s a pretzel. This time it was not a Monkey Business. It was a muffin.
Next Week Christmas in November