Politics in America 29: Transition-itis

Transitions are hard for Presidents to take when they are on their way out. It doesn’t matter which party is on their way outsky and which party is coming in. It’s the same for all Presidents. For four years, they’ve been the Really Big Shew. Now there’s this new guy ready to kick him out of his house and home.

During the transition, the Lame Duck truly is lame. Nobody gives a darn what he says. In fact, the press room at the White House is just about empty. Everybody is pretty well ready to show Lame Duck the door.

Anybody worth anything has left the West Wing and gone to work for the New Guy. The new Mr. President. That’s where all the excitement is.

P F Sneeze had won because The Other Guy–that’s what historians call the losing candidate, The Other Guy lost. Nobody ever remembered The Other Guy’s name either. He was just a pimple on the face of history. Just an annoyance.

P F Sneaze had a Mount Rushmore kind of face chiseled into the memory of the American people like Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt and the Gipper. With his Andrew Jackson looks, he looked like the Great White Father. He looked like a President. That’s why his campaign had urged him to keep his mouth shut and look presidential.

The New President had early on let it be known what he wished to be called. No Jimmy or Abe or Teddy or JFK for him. He was The Great Man. At first, he did it as a joke. After a while, he got used to it and kind of liked it. He had finally come around to Betty Sue and Al Fresco’s opinion that he was going to be the next President. Why stand in the way of fate? he concluded.

He went to see The Big Guy a few days after he won the election. “You look like a President” was all The Big Guy said. It broke his giant-sized heart to see he would be vacating the premises to a Do Naughty. He hadn’t much cared for Little Twerp but at least he was a Do Evie and that was what counted.

Slowly at first, then speedier as time went on toward the January inauguration, the West Wing staff of the Big Guy de-desked their offices to make room for the new team of the Great Man. There were many things the old staff would miss. Things like the champagne-and-caviar vending machine, the special cheese doodles made in the shape of the Big Guy’s face, the exercise room, the bowling alley and the Willy Wonka Chocolates with their melt in your mouth rum. Yummy.

They would miss the White House stationery they used to write their resumes on to impress potential new employers. Even if they swept the floor of the lobby, they were entitled to use that stationery. They would miss calling up the pizza guy and having their pizza order jump ahead of everybody else’s. And those special trips to the Strip ‘n’ Steak Joint. It was there they held their all night planning sessions deciding which concert to go to next.

There were so many things to miss. And they would miss them all. But it was time to move on.

Nest Week A New Administration


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