P F Sneaze, now The Great Man, stepped up to the plate. It was his turn at bat. Would he hit a home run or would he just bunt? This is always the question in the minds of the American people when they inaugurate the New Guy.
The Great Man took the Oath of Office and stepped to the podium. The American people held their breath. They were ready for some wisdom. They seldom got it but they were ready for it.
In his inaugural address to the nation, he said: “I want to be the President of all the Presidents, both foreign and domestic, alienated and non-alienated. And this we will do.” It was the shortest Inauguration Speech in the history of Inauguration Speeches. George Washington would have been proud. Abe Lincoln would have been proud. JFK would have been proud. School children would memorize it for generations. The Big Guy whispered to his auburn-haired wife, “Not bad. Not bad. Wish I had thought of that.”
Then the parades began. For hours, they just kept a-comin’. Till finally everybody had paraded out. Then the Big Guy handed the keys to the castle to the Great Man. Big Guy slipped away into history. The Great Man walked into the News Cycle known as the News Cycle.
You’ve heard the saying “a hot time in the old town”. Well, I am here to tell you that the Do Naughties had one do-naughty time that night. I won’t go into details. Just use your imagination.
After all the fluff and pizzazz of the Inauguration and the Inauguration parties and Inauguration balls, the presidential couple were tired. Their toesies were tired. Their ankles were tired. Their legs were tired. Their hands were tired. Their arms were tired. Their heads were tired. Even their hair was tired. I guess that you could say the presidential couple was tired.
So they went back to that big White House on Pennsylvania and went to look for a place to sleep. Unfortunately all the White House servants had retired. You see, they too were tired.
The presidential couple stumbled around in the dark since there was no one in the Residence to turn on the light switches. Finally they found the Presidential Stairs and drug his Presidential and First Lady buttskys upstairs. If ever there was a tired President, The Great Man was it. He was tired. It was way past his bedtime.
The Great Man took a rather large snort of Dr. Pudding’s Own Home Brew the next morning and walked into the Oval Office. On the wall behind the desk the White House Interior Decoratin’ Society had picked up just the day before at Ikea, there was a large portrait of Goof-off Sneaze. It was there to inspire the new President not to make a dang fool of hisself.
Beside the Presidential desk, Bessie Mae Hogg looked up and smiled. Finally she would be with her master. She had missed him so much since he had gone away to the Convention. She would have jumped up and rushed him if her 750 pounds would have let her. She decided, for the best, to just lay there and smile her delight.
Next Week Redecoratin’