Politics in America 34: You Just Never Know 

Once upon a time America snoozed along, happy as a bear with his nose stuck in a jar of honey. The Goldilocks Plan of not too much and not too little but just right had lived up to its name.

Now the Do Naughties were living up to their name. They did naughty. It was like Charles the Second’s Cavaliers replacing the Cromwellian Puritans. And they made sure there was enough pork to go around. Good Ol’ American pork too. After all, you have a pig farmer in the White House, what else can you expect?

Like the several Supreme Court Justices that he’d nominated, The Great Man so far had no record. Oh, sure there was that Mississippi deal. And there was the Snow Pipeline. That was pulling in dough left and right. It brought jobs. It brought kickbacks. Most of all, it brought snow. But nothing had happened after that. And that was the way his party liked it. He should be a shoe-in for a second term. They believed it was a record any president could be proud of.

In fact, The Great Man was so popular there was talk of putting his face on a three-dollar bill. It was three years into his first term as President and there had been nary a screw-up yet. Even the plan to swap Florida and Ohio out. For the first time ever, Florida got snow for Christmas. The kids loved that. And Ohioans didn’t have to put up with those darn blizzards. Just the cost in snow ploughs was enough to kill the governor’s budget.

But the kids hated it. It meant no more snow days. There was almost a riot in Cleveland by the sixth graders there. Federal troops had to be sent in. After a lot of negotiating, the sixth graders were promised that Santa would lay off the naughty or nice. They would all be given nices.

The Great Man was ready to go on national television and do one of his fatherly Sooey talks. If nobody else liked them, Bessie Mae Hogg did and that was all that mattered.

Dr. Combover, the President’s Image Consultant was unhappy. “He can’t go on television with THOSE.” Of course, he was talking boots.

The Great Man wore boots, American boots, boots made in America. They were those boots-are-made-for-walking boots.

Next week There’s always something

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