Politics in America 35: The Boots Incident 

The President’s boots started the whole thing. The President should have listened and not worn the darn things for the interview. He was just showing off, that he was a man of the people, when he wore them. He could have at least put on a nice new well-designed Sunday-go-to-meeting boot. No, he had to wear the boots he wore to the pig sty he set up on the back lawn of the White House for Bessie Mae Hogg and her cohorts. He sure loved that Bessie Mae.

The majority leader in the Senate, a DoEvie, stood up and made a speech. It wasn’t a speech about the boots but it might as well have been. “We are angry and we’ve been angry for a long time. And for way too long. We DoEvies have been getting the short end of the stick. It’s a power thing, you see. Give everybody some power and no one has any power. There’s only so much of the stuff to go around and we DoEvies are not going to share. Now that we run the world—I mean the Congress.”

The Great Man, the President of the United States, P F Sneaze had had enough of that rabble-rousing. For three long years, that’s all that came out of the mouth of Congress. Rabble-rousing. Since he was a DoNaughty, there wasn’t much he could do about it. After all, it was in the very nature of the DoNaughty Party not to do a thing. That had been what the party was elected on and it was way too long into the Great Man’s first term to change things. But maybe there was a way.

Being a pig farmer, he could sling mud with the best of them. How do you think he became mayor? He would think of something. In the meantime, when asked by the press what he thought about the Majority Leader’s speech, he said in a nonchalant way, “La te da. La te do.”

All the news analysts on CNN, MSNBC, CNBC, Fox, CBS, PBS and Aljazeera went nuts, analyzing his La-te-da-La-te-da. As the Big News Guy said, “I’ve heard La-te-das before, but that was some La-te-da.”

The Great Man retreated into the Oval Office for some me-time. When the President sat alone in the Oval Office, the news organizations even commented on that. P F Sneaze didn’t just go into that Office for fifteen minutes of me-time. He stayed in there for days, having his meals sent in.

There was one particular episode when he called out for pizza. The pizza parlor thought he was a joker and harassed him big time for imitating The Great Man. He got so mad he jerked the Red Phone for Delivery Orders out of the wall. It took several hours to be replaced.

In the meantime, the Great Man’s stomach was growling. He was hungry. Finally the Phone was back in operation and the President called again. He said, “You bring me my pizza or I am sending in the Marines, you hear. And no anchovies either.” Then he hung up.

The poor fellow at the other end ’bout wet his pants. He had never tawked to a president and he was scared down to his little booties. Before you can say, “Get the hell out of Dodge,” the pizza was done and sped to the White House and the Oval Office.

It was good and hot when the President took his first bite. It burned the ever living crud out of his tongue and the top of his mouth. That was the last straw. The Great Man, P. F. Sneaze, was ready for the warpath. Do-Naughty or no Do-Naughty there was about to be trouble in River City. You can bet your sweet booties on that.

Next Week We got trouble right here in River City.

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