Politics in America 39: What in the Name of Betty Sue Pudding Is Going On? 

The President of the United States was in the Oval Office. He was doing Oval Office things. Like meeting the Ambassador from Some-Godforsaken-Place-He-Couldn’t-Pronounce. It was a dark and stormy night outside but he was all snug and cozy in the White House.

The Ambassador introduced himself. Of course, The Great Man, P F Sneaze, couldn’t understand the language. As far as he was concerned, it was gibberish. It was French.

He shook the dude’s hand and they tête-à-têted for a while. Tête-à-tête is French for shaking hands and making the most out of an uncomfortable situation. Like acting like you’re listening to an ambassador about something or other in French.

The President had to go for a pee. He knew it would be improper protocol to take a bathroom break right then. But it was getting to the point where he had to go bad. Really bad.

Now we all know that, when the President needs to go and take a leak and he doesn’t get to because he’s protocoling all over the place, all heck can break loose. He may accidentally push the red button and take out a country that was minding its own business. That was just about what was about to take place.

About this time, Maynard Gee, the Vice President who had not worked a day in his life, walked in on the President and the Ambassador. He took one look at the situation and he thought it might be a good idea if he got the heck out of Dodge.

One thing was for sure. When Maynard Gee smelled a lick of work, he was real good at getting hisself out of Dodge. He had graduated summa cum laude at the Institute of Getting-the-Heck-Out-Of-Dodge.

The President could hardly control himself. He had to pee that bad. He beckoned the V P over to say a big hey to the Ambassador. What can a Vice President do when a President beckons him over to do this or that? He definitely goes over to do this or that. It’s his job to do this or that, even if it means that he has to take out the garbage. After all, nobody but nobody says nay to the Leader of the Free World. Especially if that Leader is The Great Man.

The Vice President was cornered. So he did what any self-respecting Vice President would do. He walked over. The President indicated that he needed to be excused and he would be right back. When meeting an Ambassador, what does a Vice President talk about. The price of eggs in China, of course.

It was a good thing that the Vice President understood gibberish. I mean French.

The President said, “I’ll be right back.” Then he hurried out of the room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room. It was the Oval Office. But he did hurry out of it.

So there’s the Vice President tête-à-têting with the Ambassador from Some-Godforsaken-Place-He-Couldn’t-Pronounce and they were discussing the price of eggs in China when, you guessed it–

Next Week: Should Have Gotten Himself Out of Dodge

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