Suicide Laws

David crossed the walkway and headed toward the wedding reception. Then he stopped and turned to see a young woman getting ready to jump. That wasn’t good. He was already late for the reception and he had to be there. He was best man.

But he knew he had no choice. He had to stop the woman. If the water didn’t drown her, she would be alligator lunch.

He started to run. The woman climbed onto the railing. She said a prayer, then jumped. David caught her by the wrist.

“Let me go,” she said.

“No way.” David was determined not to let the woman go. “You didn’t make a will.” What the hell did he say that for?

“What?” the woman screamed.

“You didn’t make a will?” He said it again.

“How the hell do you know that?” she said.

David pulled her up and grabbed her by the waist. “Don’t fight me or I’ll knock you out.” Finally, he had her over the railing.

“You’re crazy,” she said as he stood her on the walkway. She pushed him away.

“It’s the law. The suicide’s law. You have to make a will. Otherwise your suicide won’t take and you’ll have to do it again. I know these things. I am a lawyer.”

“I have never heard of such a thing in my life.”

“When you signed the papers and emigrated to this life, you agreed to make a will before you committed suicide. You never read the fine print. That’s the problem.”

She started laughing. She laughed herself onto the floor of the walkway. For five minutes, she didn’t stop. Finally, the last laugh was over. “I’m pregnant, you fool. I’m going to have a baby.”

“Oh, a virgin birth.” David joined her on the floor of the walkway. “That’s definitely not a suicide condition. It’s written in the fine print that absolutely no suicide if it’s a virgin birth.”

“It’s not my husband’s. I’ve been having an affair.”

“You do know the police will arrest you if you commit suicide. It’s against the law.”

“I’ll be dead.” She stood up, dusted herself off, went to the rail.

David jumped to his feet and grabbed her arm. “Are you sure?”

She tried to shake herself free. “Let me go.” David didn’t let her. Finally, she stopped resisting. “If I jump off this walkway, I’ll either drown or I’ll be eaten by an alligator.”

“I don’t think so. You have too much reason to live. So, you’ll start swimming. And you sure don’t look like an alligator snack.”

“What do you mean? I don’t look like an alligator snack?”

“You’re too skinny. Look, I have a wedding reception. Go with me. Afterwards we’ll go to my office and make out that will. Once you have the baby, I’ll help you with the suicide. And I won’t even charge you.”

“For the will?” she asked.

“No, for the help.” David smiled that boyish grin of his.

“I’m not dressed for a wedding reception.”

“If you’re dressed for a suicide attempt, you’re dressed for a wedding reception.” David took her by the hand and headed for the party.

8 thoughts on “Suicide Laws

  1. Like it, UB! Good depth in a shallow puddles format! Would love to see what happens to these characters at the wedding reception, and possibly beyond. ❤️

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