Chester was a believer in signs. He lived his life by them. He believed it was the gods’ way of speaking to him.
He always came to a full stop at a stop sign. He followed the directions of a turn sign if he was in its lane. He might be in the wrong lane. The sign might take him out of his way if he made the turn. Still he followed the directions. Signs were his life.
He followed a sign as to what career path he would follow. He had once wanted to be an artist. His mother and a sign nixed that. First his mother suggested his best course in life was the law. That had been seconded by the sign of a law book he almost tripped over getting to class. Later he sat down in the library and read the tome. He understood all the whereforths and howevers.
He picked the woman who became his wife because of a sign. In the grocery store where he shopped, he spotted Marge. She stood in front of a large sign. Above her head, it said, “This one is for you.” It didn’t matter that he saw a large can of beer below the words when she walked away. The gods were telling Chester this woman was to be his wife.
Passing by a car lot one day, he noticed a large billboard. On it was a woman pointing downward. She pointed to a red Chevy below the billboard. Even though he hated red and drove only Fords, Chester got the message. It was not his job to reason why. It was his job to follow orders. So he bought the red Chevy.
Two days later, Chester began to question the gods’ judgment. Things were not making sense. First it was the breaks. They went and rammed into a stop sign. The sign was not harmed at all. But the car had a big dent. He got the car fixed. Then the passenger door fell off. He got that fixed. After that, the front windshield cracked. The insurance covered that. When he finally decided he had enough, he took the vehicle back to the dealer.
The dealer took the car off Chester’s hands. But he demanded a price for his generosity. Chester gladly paid it. As he walked out of the dealer’s office, he saw the woman on the billboard pointing down toward a blue Cadillac. Since he loved blue and had always wanted a Cadillac, he knew that he was back on the good side of the gods. He walked right back into the office and took the car off the dealer’s hands. As he drove the Caddy off the lot, a puff of smoke came out of the tail pipe.
An associate of the dealer watched Chester and the Caddy. Then he turned to the dealer and asked, “What’s the deal with parking cars under that big sign?”
The dealer smiled. “That’s where I park the lemons.”
The associate shook his head.
“What?” the dealer asked. “You’ve never heard the saying, ‘When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.’ That woman is my lemonade maker.”