Here’s hoping everyone has a wonderful New Year. Party like it’s 1999 but don’t drive while drinking. Remember there are a lot of amateur drunks on the highway. Better yet, stay home and invite your friends over. Let them face the amateurs. Isn’t that what friends are for? Anyway here is my list of New Year’s Resolutions.
1.Remind people that I am not dead yet. But Elvis is.
2.Start a Bucket List, and make sure the bucket ain’t leaking.
3.Turn on the light at 3 a.m., so I don’t break another toe stumbling around in the dark.
4.Quit throwing the alarm clock across the room. Alarm clocks are like hearts. They break easily.
5.Give up dancing. I have no rhythm. At all.
6.Quit imagining I am a bullfighter. Those bulls have horns, and they hurt.
7.Don’t play with guns. I will shoot my eye out. Ouch!
8.Next Halloween I shall not go as a pumpkin. At least, not without cleaning out the insides.
9.Betting on the horses is no retirement plan.
10.Gotta give up singing “In-a-gadda-da-vida” in the shower. The shower is getting sick of my singing.