Romeo and Juliet Updated

Ever wonder about the motivation behind the feud between the Montagues and the Capulets. Shakespeare wasn’t telling how they became Verona’s version of the Hatfields and McCoys. What if Lady Montague, Romeo’s mom, and Capulet, Juliet’s dad, were lovers at one time? It puts a whole new spin on things. Gives the families motivation. No wonder the Montagues and Capulets are at war. Well, they should have told the kids. I have it on very good report that’s the real reason for that feud. That mythical fly on the wall reported it to me.
MOM: You do know what a s.o.b. your father is, don’t you?
JULIET: Dad, no. He’s a wonderful dad.
MOM: Right. Just like that Helen Montague is a great mom. No way.
JULIET: What do you mean?
MOM: You and that—that—that Romeo have the same father.
JULIET (shocked): Are you kiddng?
MOM: I caught ‘em making whoopee. Let’s just hope you and Romeo haven’t been making whoopee.
JULIET (distress): Well, I did let him kiss me.
MOM (concerned): And that was it, I hope.
JULIET: Well, no. There was some heavy petting.
MOM (really concerned): And that was it?
JULIET: Yes, ma’am.
MOM (crosses herself): I told you not to mess around on that balcony.
JULIET: But what is a balcony for? Doesn’t “balcony” mean “messing around” in Italian?
MOM: How should I know? I flunked Italian. Anyway no more messing around with Romeo.
JULIET: I always did wonder why Romeo had a Capulet big nose like the rest of us.
MOM: That’s not a nose. That’s a schnoz.

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