It’s Oscar Night

Tonight Hollywood will walk down the Red Carpet and let us ooo-and-awe at the egos going past the cameras. Those egos will be following a tradition that goes back to the Way Back When. They’ll be walking in the footsteps of Bogie and Marilyn and Dietrich as they make their way to the seats reserved just for them. We’ll see women in dresses with most of the parts missing. And so stiff the women can hardly sit down in them.

We’ll see a lot of speeches which will go on way too long and say absolutely nothing. But maybe will get some speeches we really want to hear. And in case you’re wondering, here is a preview of some of the speeches we may hear.

Best Picture Producer: Thank God. Now I can make my money back. I will never hire that director again. Everything he touches turns into manure.

Best Director: How would you like to be stuck on an island for two months with the cast and crew I had to work with?

Best Actress: I knew I was mahvelous in this film. (Notice. They never call it a movie.) Of course, I am always mahvelous. Especially when I look mahvelous. Aand I did look mahvelous in this film..

Best Actor: Just a second. (He takes out a mirror and checks himself out. He spends a full minute admiring himself. Then he sighs.) I have to admit I am one handsome guy. No wonder I have so many female fans. If I wasn’t me, I would be after me.

Best Supporting Actress: How come I never get nominated for Best Actress? I do all the work. She gets all the credit. The Bitch.

Best Supporting Actor: Finally.

Best Screenplay: (Shaking his fist at a director.): I’m going to kill that s. o. b. of a director for taking my awesome screenplay and dragging it through the dirt.

Best Makeup: Do you know how hard it was to take the ugliest cast ever and make them even uglier?

Best Costume: Can you believe some of the dresses worn tonight? And they are all my creations.

Best Song:This makes up for not winning the Grammy.

Best Editing: Has anybody seen the missing eighteen minutes?

Best Documentary: Smile. You’re on Candid Camera.

Best Foreign Film: How do you say “You like me” in Japanese?

Best Special Effects: Isn’t it amazing that I could make that hamburger look like a real hamburger?

Word for the Day: Wait

“Just you wait” from My Fair Lady.”

The word “wait” is a very loaded word. We wait here; we wait there; we wait everywhere. We begin our lives waiting. Nine months or less. And we believe that once that wait is over, no more waiting on our agenda. Little do we realize the waiting has only just begun. It has been estimated that we humans spend five years of our lives waiting if we live to be 79 years old.

Initially we wait for our parents to change our dirty diapers and give us a bottle. And we let them know that we are not appreciative when they make us wait. Too bad we can’t use that strategy for later on in life when we’re waiting in line at an amusement ride.

We wait on the school bus. We wait for Santa Claus to show up at our house. We spend weeks waiting on that video game we just have to have. We wait on our friends to show up at the park so we can play baseball.

As we grow into our teen years, we wait on that guy to ask us to the prom. Or that girl to give us the “Yes, I will go with you.” Later we will wait on that engagement ring or the girl to answer our plea to marry us.

As adults, we wait on the food to come at the restaurant. Or the line at the movie theater. Or the ride at the amusement park. Or we wait for the doctor to let us know we’re a-okay. And down the road we wait on retirement.

We wait on the fish to bite. We wait on the light to change. We wait for our paychecks. We wait for a response to that resume’ we sent. If we’ve been bad, we wait for that ‘get-out-of-jail” card. Or we might have to wait on a Supreme Court ruling. If we are Christians, we wait on the Rapture.

We get put on a wait-list or waiting list. A member of the wait-staff, a waiter, also known as a wait-person, asks us what we wish to order. Our computer spends time in a wait-state when we’re transferring data. The doctor makes us sit in the waiting room. For an actor, it’s the green room. But that’s a word of a different color.

When you ask your mom for a new toy, Mom may just give you that old “wait and see.” And you may have to “wait up” for your partner to get home and tell you the good news. Of course, you may have to “wait for that other shoe to drop.” And some of us may find ourselves “waiting on them hand and foot.”

That “wait” can be a threat. As in “Just you wait, ‘enry Higgins.”

Or it can be “wait” can be a warning like “We have to wait for the hurricane.”

Or it can be a Promise, such as “Just a little more wait and Santa will be here.”

When we entering a waiting state, we know a ton of bricks is coming. That ton of bricks may be something significant like being born. Or insignificant like we have scheduled a plumber to fix the drain.

All this waiting has sidekicks joining it. They are the Hope of Expectation or the Fear of Anticipation. With Anticipation, we find ourselves Anxious. If we’re not careful, pretty soon we’re experiencing an Anxiety attack. If we’re not careful, we’ll find ourselves having a nervous breakdown. 

Or not.

Who knows? With a little Patience the waiting will soon be over. We might as well accept it. After all, it’s a waiting game.

Uncle Bardie’s Spotlight Movie: Sam Mendes’ War Movie

Whether 1917 is a great film will take some time to determine. I can only say that director Sam Mendes has made a very good war film. And I would caution my readers that this is a war film, not an action film. If you go to see it and expect bang-bang-shoot-’em-up or a superhero movie, this one is not for you.

If you are looking for a good film about the realities of war, 1917 does that, and does it with six stars. If ever there was a war that was hell, it was World War I. The war has been going on for almost three years, and 1917 is not all quiet on the western front. At least, not in the trenches where men fight with the rats over food.

A battalion of 1600 British troops men are planning on pursuing the Germans the next morning as they retreat. But headquarters behind the lines have intelligence that it’s a trap. Unfortunately there is radio silence and the British cannot inform the advance company.

The British general sends two corporals, Schofield and Blake, on a mission to hand-deliver a message, warning the Dev Regiment of the trap. They have to cross the no-man’s land between the British and the German trenches, then make their way through the abandoned German trenches and through a town before the reach their comrades. They have less than twenty-four hours. And to emphasize the urgency, Blake’s brother is an officer with the Regiment.

In what could have been a boring slog of a journey, Mendes direction, Roger Deakens’ cinematography, the script by Krysty Wilson-Cairns and Sam Mendes, and Thomas Newman score heighten the tension again and again and make this film well-worth the two hours of viewing. There may be Germans ready to take the two down. As they make their way through a landscape strewn with the ravages of war, I was on the edge of my seat waiting for something to happen.

It has been said that combat brings out the best, and the worst, in men and women. And 1917 shows how true that can be. Schofield and Blake are two ordinary guys who swallow hard and face the unknown with courage. At the end of the movie, I was reminded of the Scripture that says, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Schofield and Blake have shown that kind of love.

If there is a better film this year, I’m not sure what it would be. As for me, I give 1917 a big thumbs up and six out of five stars.