Uncle Bardie’s World Famous School of Celebritology

BE FAMOUS FOR BEING FAMOUS

Have you wanted the red carpet thrown out for you? Do you have an inner urge to make heads spin wherever you go? Do you think that your inner Kim Kardashian hasn’t had a chance to shine? Well, guess what?

Uncle Bardie has News for you. He has decided to bring back his School of Celebritology. Over the years, there have been so many graduates, who became world class celebrities, Uncle Bardie can’t name them. If he left one out, that person might feel slighted. Besides they have confidentiality agreements. Just take Uncle Bardie’s word for it. There have been many.

QUALIFICATIONS

Do you need to be talented? Absolutely not. In fact, talent could very well be your worst enemy to becoming a successful celebrity. Do you need to be rich? No, you do not. You could very well have learned all the wrong things if you grew up rich.

So what qualifications do you need to attend Uncle Bardie’s World Famous School of Celebritology. None really. In fact, any qualification you might have could very well be a detriment.

WHAT YOU GET

All you need is fifty grand to attend. Then a degree from Uncle Bardie’s World Famous School of Celebritology will open doors. You’ll be on the late shows. You’ll be on the tabloid news. You might even make it to Saturday Night Live.

With that degree comes a Money Back Guarantee. You will get your Fifteen Minutes of Fame or you will get your money back. What you do with that fame is up to you. We can’t promise you more than your nine hundred seconds. But most of our alumni have taken their Fifteen Minutes and run with it. Only you can make it happen. But You Can Make It Happen.

COURSES

Here are some of the Courses you will take.

Paparazzi 101. Taught by Mr. Paparazzi himself.

How Not To Be Invisible 101. Taught by Mrs. Show Offy. It’s how she got her husband.

How to Make the Right Connections. Taught by Shirley Congeniality.

What To Wear And When To Wear It–And When Not Wear Anything. Taught by Lady Godiva.

How To Be The Center of Attention. (How Not To Be Invisible 201). Taught by Mister Ostentatious.

How To Appear Rich, No Matter How Poor You Are. Taught by W. More-Money-Than-God

Interview 101: How to be interviewed and say absolutely nothing. Taught by the Interview Meister.

How To Comb Your Hair In Public. Taught by Mister Comb.

How To Get “It”. Taught by It.

As you progress through these courses, you will get opportunities to meet the Famous, the Not-so Famous and the Used-to-be Famous.

Uncle Bardie’s School of Celebritology School Song

Plus you could be one of those chosen to join Uncle Bardie’s School of Celebritology Chorale. Then you will get to sing our School Song at all kinds of events and award ceremonies.

Chorus:

Join us at Uncle Bardie’s
School of Celebritology
Soon you will have a Master
Degree in Super Star-ology

1.You won’t have to be talented
You don’t have to be good
You can be trailer trash
Or an old chunk of wood

2.Anything is possible
If you think you can
Just look at Forrest Gump
And the walk that he ran

3.You don’t have to have brains
The less you have the better
Just look at the Scarecrow
He’s wearing the O-Z letters

4.You will go anywhere
And stand out in that crowd
Your fans will ooh and ahh
You will be the Big Wow.

So give us a call at Uncle Bardie’s School of Celebritology. The first one hundred to call will get a tote bag, proclaiming you as THE WORLD’S GREATEST CELEBRITY. Before you know it, there’ll be no holding you back. You’ll be celebritocious.

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