Cat-ness

Crazy little cat
Crazy little cat
All cat with your cat-ness

You sleep when you sleep
You purr when you purr
You eat when you eat
You is and always were

Crazy little cat
Crazy little cat
All cat with your cat-ness

A meow is a meow
A tail is a tail
Cat talk and cat speak,
“I’m really very well.”

Crazy little cat
Crazy little cat
All cat with your cat-ness

A tongue is a tongue
To use for cleaning
Then you’re lying down
For some cat dreaming

Crazy little cat
Crazy little cat
All cat with your cat-ness

The sun is a friend
Everyday, everyday
Its light a lullaby
Everything’s okay

Crazy little cat
Crazy little cat
All cat with your cat-ness

The moon comes out
You’re ready to play
To jump and you run
And to have your say.

Crazy little cat
Crazy little cat
All cat with your cat-ness

Why did God give me one big mouth to stick my two feet in?

Another Uncle Bardie lyric. This is what a country song should really sound like.

My wife is divorcing me
My girlfriend is mad as hell
Got run over by my truck
My dawg bit me in the tail
Lost that lottery ticket
And its six numbers to win
Shot myself in the toe
Hurt like all kinds of sin

CHORUS:
Cause I drank that moonshine
That cornlikker’s getting to me
Oh, that sweet shine of shines
Sure made a man out of me

Went myself a cow roping
Tipped some cows on the sides
Rustled up some of that beef
Pushed ‘em into my double wide
Bull saw me in the pasture
Bull took a liking to me
Now I got a big ole hole
In that place I cannot see

CHORUS:
Cause I drank that moonshine
That cornlikker’s getting to me
Oh, that sweet shine of shines
Sure made a man out of me

BRIDGE:
Why did God give me one big mouth to stick my two feet in?
I’m a-thinking the mouth is lonely and needs two good friends

Got myself some Jesus
Off to the church I went
Down came the big ole steeple
They said it was an accident
Now I’m six feet under
My grave is double-wide
My mouth’s full of dirt
Toes pointing to the sky

CHORUS:
Cause I drank that moonshine
That cornlikker’s getting to me
Oh, that sweet shine of shines
Sure made a man out of me

The Coronavirus Blues

The lonely vending machine
He’s sitting in the corner
Waiting for the coins to drop
Nickels, dimes and quarters

But there ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
To drop
But there ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
For the slot

There’s a washing mahine
Standing in the laudromat
Waiting for the dirty clothes
Stained with mud and chocolate

But there ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
To drop
But there ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
For the slot

And the slots off in Vegas
They’re waiting for a handout
From the unlucky many
Who are down for the count

But there ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
To drop
But there ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
There ain’t no coin
For the slot

It’s February

It’s February
And soon day is over;
Before I know it
It’ll be October.

Barren trees and snowy white
Come and go and come again,
Chilly days and chilly nights
With only a fire for a friend.

The sky a smoky gray
With ghosts from another season
Haunting nights and haunting days
Down streets icily freezing.

The stillness is ever quiet
Till the wind bursts from its cave
A blizzard dancing with snow
Flakes bouncing wave after wave.

A white monolith of mountain
Rushes through cities and towns
An endless white filling the eye.
Then a green sprout through the ground.

It’s February
And soon day is over;
Before I know it
It’ll be October.

And the leaves will fall,
And the leaves will fall.

I married her in the autumn

Another Uncle Bardie lyric

I married her in the autumn,
I divorced her in the fall,
She had a drinking problem,
Dr. Pepper as I recall.

It was Dr. Pepper in the morning,
Dr. Pepper at noon,
Dr. Pepper in the evening,
She was a Dr. Pepper fool.

It was Dr. Pepper in her office,
Dr. Pepper when she texted,
Dr. Pepper on vacation,
Dr. Pepper when we had sex.

It was Dr. Pepper in our closets,
Dr. Pepper in our pool,
Left no place for a thing
That wasn’t Dr. Pepper cool.

Now as I look back at my life
One thing I cannot abide,
To be told that I will have
Dr. Pepper for my bride.