haiku for the day: life in the big city

It’s the end of the day. I’ve just finished work. It’s been a long day. The drive home is a monster. All the traffic. It’s almost like all those cars are after me. A guy cuts me off. Another one gives me the finger. Like he doesn’t think I have a gun. I don’t have a gun but I could. It’s one of those “people are just rude” days. Still another car pulls out in front of me. Thank God, my brakes work. Thank God, I had them fixed last week.  City traffic can be the worst. I pull into a fast food joint to get some sup. “Cause there isn’t any way I am going to be up to fixing a meal when I get home. Finally I pull into the driveway. Stumble out of my car. Fiddle with my keys. Drop them on the porch. Pick them up and finally slip them into the lock. Open the door and quickly shut it behind me before the world slips into my castle.

shoes off, black socks too
change of clothes and feed the cats
now time to relax


Uncle Bardie’s Spotlight Song: Aquarium

Once a week on Friday, Uncle Bardie celebrates the creativity in others by shining a Spotlight on a movie, a song or a creator. This week’s Spotlight is Camille Saint-Saens “Aquarium” from “Le carnaval des animaux (The Carnival of the Animals)” and it is performed by Marian Lapsansky, Peter Toperczer, Ondrej Lenárd & Slovak Radio Symphony Orchestra:

This is one of the most magical pieces ever written. I listen to this piece and all sorts of wonder comes to my mind. Flowers dancing. Fish swimming. Waterfalls. Santa’s workshop. Snow and Christmas lights. All sorts of beautiful things.

I first became entranced by this piece when I visited the French Pavilion at Disney’s EPCOT. At the Pavilion, they have a ten minute panorama touring France. And this is the musical soundtrack.

haiku for the day: daily art

Often successful writers are hit with The Question. You know the one. You’ve probably been asked it a few times yourself. Where do you get your ideas?

Depending on my mood, sometimes I say Jesus, and sometimes I say the Wicked Witch of the West. Most of the time I am just as clueless as the person asking the question. 

Mostly the process is as mysterious to we writers as it is to the questioner. My best answer is to look and listen. But that’s not really helpful to the questioner. That’s why we’ve come up with this Muse. How she’ll take a two-by-four and whack us a good one across the side of the head.

I am serious about the listening and the looking. The thing is that we have to respond when we hear something or observe something that does hit us across the side of the head. I once heard Neil Young say that when he gets an idea he has to drop everything and go and work on it. The only time he doesn’t is if there is a family situation. He didn’t say this but I am sure he is afraid of what might happen if he didn’t respond. And usually it’s a most inconvenient time. Like I’m in the shower.

an empty bus bench
underneath a late night moon
an Edward Hopper

Near 500 Words: To Jeopardy or Not to Jeopardy

Of course, Uncle Bardie is going To Jeopardy. He watches it religiously. He doesn’t want to miss out on all those delicious answers. Answers like: His right hand. The question: Which hand did King Kong hold Fay Wray in?” Answers like: Minnesota. The question: What word means “small Coca Cola”? The Answer: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court. Question: When was the first tennis game in the Bible?

UB loves it so much he has decorated his house in Jeopardy Modern. Each room in his house is named and designed with something on Jeopardy in mind. There’s the Alex Trebek Breakfast Nook. There is a Single Jeopardy Room, a Double Jeopardy Room and a Final Jeopardy Room. Each of them are bedrooms. And, of course, the living room is called the Green  Room and decorated with fake Emmys, representing the Emmys Jep has won over the years.

UB has a shrine for Ken Jennings. “Saint Ken,” he calls him. He even has a door bell that rings with Johnny Gilbert saying, “This is Jeopardy.” His telephone answering has Don Pardo, saying, “Uncle Bardie is not available currently. He is busy answering Final Jeopardy.” Any visitor that comes to see UB must take the Jeopardy quiz. If they fail, they don’t qualify to see Uncle Bardie.

March 30 is a holiday at Uncle Bardie’s. It was on that day in 1964 that Jeopardy first aired. UB celebrates by bingeing on Jeopardy reruns. Each time he guesses an answer he has to ring in with the Jeopardy buzzer. Over the years, UB has developed a very smooth thumb.

Every morning he wakes up and has breakfast. He has an oats and honey nature bar and a donut for breakfast. Alex has an oats and honey nature bar and a donut for breakfast. Uncle Bardie used to drink a Diet Pepsi and eat a Snicker because that was on Alex’s menu. Since Alex changed, Uncle Bardie has changed his diet.  UB eats them under his musk ox painting. The musk ox is AT’s favorite animal. UB does the crossword puzzle while he is eating. Alex does crossword puzzles. UB still wears his ‘stache in honor of the days when Alex wore his.

Because Alex likes his booze, UB drinks during his viewing of each Jeopardy session. A glass of Scotch always clears his head. It never fails that he gets all the questions right. Since Alex’s first name is George, UB changed his first name to George instead of Alexander.

Since AT is from Canada, UB is going to move to Canada after he retires. UB has a giant map of the world. He has pinned every place on earth mentioned in a Jeopardy question. He will travel to each place when he retires. It’s on his bucket list.

Uncle Bardie will never, ever be on Jeopardy. He is not into selfies. And, in case you were wondering, “arachibutyrophobia” is a medical term meaning “the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.”




haiku for the day: dishes

Ever looked over and see a dish and be inspired? I don’t mean to wash it. The inspiration is of the dish just like it is.  Sitting there all alone on the counter or the table, minding its own business. Not really.

Since when did a dish ever mind its own business? After all, it was the dish that ran away with the spoon. They eloped because the dish had gotten the spoon pregnant. Bet you didn’t know that. Because the dish and the spoon were an afterthought. Mother Goose really didn’t care about the dish and the spoon. She just needed another line to fit in her ditty. Boy, that Mother Goose sure could be cruel.

On top of that, she’s talking drugs. That’s what hey diddle diddle was. A seventeenth century version of LSD. See what you’re exposing your kids to. Next thing you’ll be telling them about twinkle twinkle little star. Now that’s a horse of a different color. Preferably purple.

an unwashed saucer
food splattered on white canvas
an abstract painting