The Miseries

It’s that time again. Every year about this time I get the sneezes. Better known as allergies. I live in Florida and winter is upon us. Then spring is upon us. Then winter again. Then spring. Again. And all this may occur on the same day. The weather is having a knock-down-drag-out with itself.

The plants die. Then they are reborn. Then they die. Then they are reborn. Happens every year. I see a flower blooming this time of year, I know I am in trouble. Instead of an achy-breaky heart, I get an achy-breaky nose.

They say misery loves company. My sneezes prove that proposition. They come in threes. And I don’t get just an itsy bitsy ah-choo. My sneezes could send a man to Mars. Just one of my sneezes could light up Los Angeles. Too bad I can’t figure a way to can them and sell them. I could make a mint off the utility companies.

In an effort to combat this conflict, I have pulled out the big guns. First it was one medication. That worked for some years. Then I tried another. It worked wonders. I didn’t sneeze. But it upset my stomach. Darn those side effects. Now I have a truckload of a third medication pull up to my front door in January and dump its load into my living room. I know sneezing time is just around the corner. It doesn’t completely stop the itching and the sneezing. All it does is keep it under control.

Soon April will show its pretty face and the miseries will come to an end. Before it does though, the weather will have one final go at me. It will do an April Fool’s. The weather will warm up late in March, then we get another cold snap along about April First. That’s nature saying, “Fooled you.” But I have taken to singing, “Won’t Get Fooled Again”. I’ll double-up on the meds and have one last go ’round. Then I don’t have to sing this song anymore:

It’s Sneezing Time

(Sung to the tune of “It’s Crying Time”, written by Buck Owens, recorded by Ray Charles.).

Oh, it’s allergy time again, sneezes gonna leave me
You can see that itchy look in my eyes
You can tell by the way the pollen holds me
It won’t be long before it’s sneezing time

Now they say that plants give the world wonder
When they do bud, their blooms they grow
And they say that my sneezing won’t get stronger
What the hell do they think they know?

Oh, it’s sneezing time again, sneezes gonna leave me
I can see that in my very stopped-up nose
I can tell by the way my eyes are itching
Won’t be long before sneezes hit my toes.

You say gesundheits make me feel better
That’s the way it’s happened every time before
As sure as the flowers bloom tomorrow
Sneezing time starts when plants bloom some more

Oh, it’s allergy time again, the sneezes gonna leave me
You can see that itchy look in my eyes
You can tell by the way the pollen holds me
It won’t be long before it’s sneezing time.