I married her in the autumn

Another Uncle Bardie lyric

I married her in the autumn,
I divorced her in the fall,
She had a drinking problem,
Dr. Pepper as I recall.

It was Dr. Pepper in the morning,
Dr. Pepper at noon,
Dr. Pepper in the evening,
She was a Dr. Pepper fool.

It was Dr. Pepper in her office,
Dr. Pepper when she texted,
Dr. Pepper on vacation,
Dr. Pepper when we had sex.

It was Dr. Pepper in our closets,
Dr. Pepper in our pool,
Left no place for a thing
That wasn’t Dr. Pepper cool.

Now as I look back at my life
One thing I cannot abide,
To be told that I will have
Dr. Pepper for my bride.

Uncle Bardie’s Spotlight Creator: Danny Kaye Conducts an Orchestra, etc.

Once a week on Friday, Uncle Bardie celebrates the creativity in others by shining a Spotlight on a movie, a song or a creator. This week’s Spotlight Creator is Danny Kaye:

A great performer will leave you breathless. This is how Danny Kaye left me when I saw him conduct an orchestra. And I might add, on the floor laughing. It must have been a Danny Kaye viewer who invented the term ROFL.

Danny Kaye, the group singer.

And who else could have played Hans Christian Andersen other than Danny Kaye.

Not only was Danny Kaye a great talent. He was generous as well. The money he made from conducting went to the musician’s retirement fund. In addition, he was the first Goodwill Ambassador to UNICEF.

So it’s my great pleasure today to honor Danny Kaye as Uncle Bardie’s Spotlight Creator.

Carl Reiner’s tribute

Uncle Bardie’s Spotlight Movie: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Once a week on Friday, Uncle Bardie celebrates the creativity in others by shining a Spotlight on a movie, a song or a creator. This week’s Spotlight Movie is “Dr. Strangelove, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb” (1964):

Once upon a time there were two great powers in the world. The United States and the Soviet Union, better known by its nickname, “The Evil Empire” or simply the Ruskies. Ruskies is American for Russians. “Dr. Strangelove” takes a fond look at those long-ago times when there was a Cold War.

There are generals, and then there are generals. I love George C. Scott’s general. Especially when he confronts the Peter Sellers’ President. The President is trying to prevent a nuclear war with the Russians. He wants to bring the Russian ambassador to the Situation Room. Scott’s General confronts the President with a national security issue. “He’ll see the Big Board.” Now, we can’t have the Russians seeing the Big Board, can we?

It’s scenes like this that make “Dr. Strangelove” one of the funniest movies ever.

10 Resolutions I’m Making For the New Year

Here’s hoping everyone has a wonderful New Year. Party like it’s 1999 but don’t drive while drinking. Remember there are a lot of amateur drunks on the highway. Better yet, stay home and invite your friends over. Let them face the amateurs. Isn’t that what friends are for? Anyway here is my list of New Year’s Resolutions.

1.Remind people that I am not dead yet. But Elvis is.

2.Start a Bucket List, and make sure the bucket ain’t leaking.

3.Turn on the light at 3 a.m., so I don’t break another toe stumbling around in the dark.

4.Quit throwing the alarm clock across the room. Alarm clocks are like hearts. They break easily.

5.Give up dancing. I have no rhythm. At all.

6.Quit imagining I am a bullfighter. Those bulls have horns, and they hurt.

7.Don’t play with guns. I will shoot my eye out. Ouch!

8.Next Halloween I shall not go as a pumpkin. At least, not without cleaning out the insides.

9.Betting on the horses is no retirement plan.

10.Gotta give up singing “In-a-gadda-da-vida” in the shower. The shower is getting sick of my singing.

Laundrin’ Star

It’s been a bit of a while since I have posted one of my lyrics. So, what the hey. “Paint Your Wagon” is a fav of mine. So, what the hey. I was thinking it needed a parody of its own. Instead of two prospectors showing up in a gold mining town, “Wash Your Wagon” could have two guys who want to start laundromats in the town. They’re competing for business. So here’s the song, “Laundrin’ Star”. (See the lyric below Lee Marvin.)

To be sung to the tune of Wandrin’ Star from “Paint Your Wagon”.

I was born under a laundrin’ star
I was born under a laundrin’ star
Soap is made for washing, scrubbing is made to clean
I’ve never seen a sight that didn’t look better when it’s keen
I was born under a laundrin’ star

Mud can make you dirty, and the sun can bake you dry
Soap can burn your eyes, but only dirty makes you cry
Clothes are made for washing, for dreams of getting clean
Which with any luck you’ll get to bathe again
I was born under a laundrin’ star
I was born under a laundrin’ star

Do I know where hell is, hell is in the mud
Heaven’s goodbye to dirt, it’s time for a scrub
I was born under a laundrin’ star
A laundrin’ laundrin’ star

Mud can make you dirty and the sun can bake you dry
Soap can burn your eyes, but only dirty make you cry
Clothes are made for washing, for dreams of getting clean
Which with any luck you’ll get to bathe again
I was born under a laundrin’ star
I was born under a laundrin’ star

When I get to heaven, throw me in a tub
Or I’ll begin to roam, and soon you’ll know I’ll be in the mud
I was born under a laundrin’ star
A laundrin’ star