Politics in America 26: All Reporters are Report–I take that back.

They were journalists. Reporters. The Fourth Estate. They were broadcasters. Newspaper people. Bloggers. Gossip mongers. Liberals. Liars. Those media people were downright…what was the word…people. Yes, people. Human beings. And they all had a bad case of proclaiming there was a fire when there was only smoke. That was a fact.

Big Al couldn’t believe his ears. He couldn’t believe his eyes. The reporters were calling the election. The damn reporters were calling the election. Hawaii still had to come in. And Illinois needed a recount. He sat in front of the tv in his hotel room. He was so angry he threw a lamp at the tv. Both the lamp and the tv screen busted.

He picked up his phone and called the Campaign’s legal team. A C Schister, the lead muckety muck, answered. Before Big Al could speak, A C talked, “I see. We’re heading into court first thing in the morning and asking for an injunction. I personally am suing Big News Guy. This is outrageous.”

Before you knew it, someone leaked a photo of Big News Guy on a tilt-a-whirl with his favorite co-anchor. “That will teach him. Freedom of the Press, my rump. We’ll see how much alimony it’s going to cost Big News Guy.” Big Al laughed.

Everybody at Do-Naughty Central was on pins and needles to hear from Hawaii. Some were even on needles and pins. Big Al went down stairs and joined the rest of the Campaign Staff.

They were just about to get the Hawaii results when all of a sudden they heard a noise. This wasn’t just a noise. This sounded like a tornado. Someone checked her weather app. Nothing. The weather was as fine as wine in the summertime. What the hey was that sound?

Maybe an extra terrestrial invasion? No. No e.t. on the horizon and none were phoning home.

Maybe a invasion from one of the many enemies of the United States? No. The United States did not have any enemies.

Maybe a gang of supervillains invaded the planet? No. All the superheroes had taken care of that.

Just what the heck was that sound?

Next Week It Sure Ain’t Santa Claus