Did Alfred Hitchcock have erotic dreams about Grace Kelly?

The Director’s wife of twenty years and more was not happy. She had gone onto the set of “Rear Window” for several times and each time, she caught Hitch eyeing his female star more than he normally eyed his female stars. It looked to her like there was love in his eyes. Then again, perhaps it was lust. But lust was not threatening. Alma could deal with lust.

As long as she’d known her husband, Alma knew that Hitch had a thing for blondes. But this was different. This Grace Kelly was becoming a fetish and Alma was concerned. She thought about this concern quite a lot for the next several weeks, several weeks when her beloved Hitch didn’t speak to her. He came home from viewing the rushes and grunted his way through supper, then showered and went off to bed.

What was she to do? she wondered. She had never been challenged for Hitch’s affections this way before. She began to lose sleep. She lost her appetite. Her hair started falling out. If this continued, she would end up as bald as Hitch.

The next time she went to the set, several of the cast approached her and complained about how long the movie was taking. Even James Stewart, always a gentleman and an actor Alma considered extremely nice, even James Stewart yelled at her. But Hitch kept delaying, demanding more and more shots, especially of the blonde actress.

Pretty soon Alma was spending more time alone. She had always enjoyed visiting Hitch’s sets. But now it was either stay away or bite her fingers off out of nervous frustration.

Then she saw it. It was just a little item in the newspaper. Not much of a thing at all. Some little showboat of a prince was coming to town. He had promised one of the local charities that he’d make an appearance for them.

Maybe. Yes, maybe. He was single after all. It was just then that she remembered Grace humming “Some day my prince will come” several times on the set.

Alma called up the actress’ press agent and told him how well she thought Grace was doing with the movie. “She might even get an Oscar for this one,” Alma said. “It’s her best work so far.” Then, just before she hung up, she let it drop. Perhaps it would be good p.r. for Grace and the film if she was seen with this prince. Hollywood royalty and real royalty, that would be the headline. And it would raise money for charity, which was something Hollywood always saw as a good thing.

Well, as you know, the rest is history. Grace and that prince were married and lived magically happily ever after.

But poor Hitch. He never quite recuperated. Sure, there was Eva Marie Saint and Doris Day and Kim Novak and Tippi Hedrun and Janet Leigh. But none were Grace Kelly.

For years, Alma wondered what it was about Grace that hit Hitch so hard. Why had Hitch broken her heart over a Hollywood starlet who would break his heart?

Then, in his eighties, Hitch became ill and passed into a coma. Only once did he wake up. As he lay there, staring at the ceiling, Alma begged, “Why Hitch? Why Grace Kelly?” Hitch did not answer.

Then, days later, as he was getting ready to pass on to that movie studio in the sky, he whispered one final word and died. The word he spoke softly into Alma’s ear was “MacGuffin.”

Uncle Bardie’s Movie of the Week: Andy Griffith took my virginity

Once a week on Monday, Uncle Bardie shares a movie with his Readers he gives a big two thumbs up. It will simply be a short excerpt or a trailer. From time to time, a reflection on the movie will appear below the video. So pop some popcorn and give yourself a treat. This week’s movie is

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about sex. I’m talking movies. It was in the mid-1950s. The first movie I ever saw was “No Time for Sergeants” and it became the movie that I measure all other movies by. The story of a country boy who goes into the army, it was first a Broadway play where Andy perfected his art of the country boy who goes off to visit the city. He turns out to be a lot smarter than we’d want to give him credit for. Man, I loved this movie. Still do.

Part of the experience of seeing this movie, and movies like it, was going into a movie theater, getting myself a big bag of popcorn and a coke. Sitting there in front of the big screen with the actors larger than the fifty-foot woman, I was in what used to be called “hog heaven”. There was nothing like it. At least, not in my young life. It was one of the great pleasures of my life. A way to get away from all the kidding I took from other kids because I had big ears and was clumsy and a bit nerdy, though not nerdy enough to be really smart like Steve Wosniak or Bill Gates and make a fortune inventing stuff.

No matter how many movies I have seen since that first Andy Griffith moment, I will never forget the buzz I got from “No time for Seargeants”.  He really made my day.

What was your first movie?