I see Live People

I See Live People. It’s a gift I have. Seems like I have had it always.

I first realized I had this gift when I was a baby. It made me want to cry. I didn’t cry. There were way too many other things to cry about. Like my dirty nappy, that pacifier I couldn’t reach, or my three a.m. feeding. I didn’t want to wear out my welcome so early so I didn’t cry. But those big heads, I mean they were enormous. They looked down at me with those big, enormous huge heads.

They spoke another language. If I had been a Pentecostal, I might have thought they were speaking in tongues. I mean, how do you translate this? Goo-goo ga-ga-gaa. I still haven’t figured that out. All I know is that these big headed aliens from another planet had invaded Babyworld and they were very scary.

In a moment of baby brilliance, the idea hit me. These were Live People. If I smiled and giggled, they would make nice and give me anything I wanted.

As a kid, I played hide ‘n’ go seek with my friends. I was so good at finding Live People my friends never let me be the seeker. It’s cause I see Live People.

It’s like that now as an adult. No one will play with me. I am very good at Trivial Pursuit and Jeopardy. If you play Risk with me, you are taking a real chance. It isn’t my fault I always win. You see, I see Live People.

There are times I wish I could turn the gift off. Like Commander Deanna Troi, I don’t always have that choice. It was tough to be a Betazoid just like it is tough to be a human who can see Live People.

Sometimes it’s downright embarrassing. Those are times these people are making downright fools of themselves. As Forrest Gump’s Mama used to say, “Stupid is as stupid does.” ‘Cause I see Live People.

There are the times they can be so-o-o annoying. I am sitting at a red light. It turns green. The person behind me starts honking his horn. You’d think these Live People would have more patience. But they are alive. And I see them.

There are the nice times too. Couples walking hand-in-hand in the park. A man walking his dog and kneeling to give the dog a hug. The sound of a kid’s voice when she tells her mom she got an A in school. I love it then when I see Live People.

It sounds like I am complaining. I am not. I am simply sharing something I have wanted to share for a long time. You see, I see Live People.

Do you see Live People?

Fifty Shades of —–

Here are some forthcoming movie titles for America’s favorite couple:

Fifty Shades of Green: Ana just can’t decide what color her dress should be.

Fifty Shades of Giggles: Ana sees Christian with no clothes on and all she can do is laugh.

Fifty Shades of Grunting: Ana is preparing for the Boston Marathon.

Fifty Shades of Groundhogs: Ana visits Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, and sees her shadow.

Fifty Shades of Greenways: Remember that time Christian took Ana golfing. She went for the caddy.

Fifty Shades of Gridlock: Ana and Christian in NYC traffic. Next time they take the subway.

Fifty Shades of Guffaws: Ana learns that Christian has the weirdest laugh.

Fifty Shades of Grits: Ana goes south for the summer, y’all.

Fifty Shades of Grime: Christian just can’t get his Rolls Royce clean.

Fifty Shades of Grub: Ana really can cook.

Fifty Shades of Grass: Ana and Christian move to Colorado.

Fifty Shades of Grades: Ana’s professor says, “Well, that really isn’t a D. It’s a shade off a D. If you look at it in the right light, it could be a C.”

Fifty Shades of Grumpy: Ana has spent all day preparing Mr. G’s favorite meal. He comes home and starts in. Ana says, “Oh, did we have a bad day.”

Fifty Shades of Goofing Off: Christian and Ana get a night just to kick back, have some pizza and watch “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

There you have it. It’s only the beginning. Hollywood is looking for more ideas for Fifty Shades of You-Know-What. Got any ideas?