The Seven Roommates

Gluttony was not happy, He was broke, and there was nothing to eat in the house. It was Sloth’s turn to buy groceries, but he kept procrastinating.

Big G’s mouth was especially watering for an apple tart. Even though he had recently given them up. Every time he said to Sloth, “Could you get me some tarts,” Lust took it the wrong way. He droooled all over everything. What else could you expect of a guy who thought he was God’s gift to women?

The thing was that there was no chance for Big G to get his hands on one of the tasty treats. As soon as they came into the house, Greed hogged them all to himself. It wasn’t that Greed was especially fond of apple tarts, he just didn’t want the others to have something he didn’t have. And he could always trade them for the goodies he really wanted.

And what Greed had, Envy wanted. He had gone out of his way any number of times trying to get Anger to do a Rocky on Greed so he could get Greed’s stuff. Anger was having nothing to do with Envy’s pestering him about Greed. Anger had been taking an anger management class lately. And he’d learned to count to ten before his temper got the best of him. It seemed to be working too.

Until Pride came home and showed off his new Lamborghini. The sound of the engine roared up the driveway. It woke poor Anger up. And after three all-nighters at his Security Service job, he was in no mood to be woke up. He stormed down the stairs three stairs at a time just as Pride was showing off his car to Envy.

“I got to have one of them cars,” Envy said.

“Maybe I can help. After all, two Lamborghinis in front of the house would win us the City’s Blue Ribbon for Best House. HGTV might even take notice.”

Anger burst out of the house, a warpath on his mind. He punched Pride in the nose. Pride had a nose bleed but he tried to hide it. Not wanting the others to see his vulnerabilities. But Envy saw it and wanted a nosebleed too.

Lust was bringing home his new girlfriend, Delores. Delores took one look at Pride’s nosebleed. She fainted.

Sloth drove up behind the Lamborghini. He had gotten the apple tarts Big G wanted. Big G took one look at Sloth and the apple tarts. He rushed toward the tarts and tripped and fell right on Envy’s face, giving him a bloody nose.

Greed too saw the tarts and he couldn’t resist. He had to have them. As he rushed toward Sloth, his nose ran into Big G’s nose.

Anger was so angry at himself for loosing his temper, he hit himself in the face with his fist. And not to feel left out, Sloth picked up Big G off the sidewalk and helped him inside, while Big G bled all over him.

All this goes to prove one thing. When you let the Seven loose on the world, all you get is a bloody nose.