A Yodelling Fool

I’ve thought that I’d like to traipse off to Liechtenstein and learn how to yodel when I retire. Sounds kind of impractical, doesn’t it?

Then again yodelling worked for Slim Whitman. His yodel can be heard in Tim Burton’s “Mars Attacks”. It’s what destroys the aliens. So I guess there is a use for yodeling after all. Not that I would ever have that opportunity. I’m a real chicken when it comes to invasions.

I hear Liechtenstein is a very nice place. Run by a prince. At one time it was a part of the Roman province of Raetia. Now it’s a Principality. Seems like it would be a good place to retire. Not out to go to war or anything like that. Because it’s so small it has to go the extra mile and get along with its neighbors. It’s the big ones you have to watch out for these days. Like China, Russia and the United States. The bigger the country the bigger the army.

Unless you’re Canada.

A very civilized country, Canada. Lovely people, the Canucks. Didn’t get mad at all at the movie “South Park” and the song in the movie “Blame Canada”. One of the great exports from Canada, The Mackenzie Brothers. Love their “Twelve days of Christmas”.

They had a really fun movie “Strange Brew”. Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell and Gordon Lightfoot all from Canada. So is Jeopardy Guy, Alex Trebeck.

But all that’s another story. Back to Liechtenstein. The Prince’s family goes all the way back to the twelfth century. And that is a lot of way to go back to. Something like nine hundred years. To have lasted that long and ruled a country you must have something going for you.

Think the country is where Leonard Wibberly based his novel “The Mouse That Roared”. As usual, Peter Sellars was very good in the movie, invaded the United States and all.

Liechtenstein it seems used to be called Vaduz and Schellenberg. Till the family bought them from the Holy Roman Emperor. Seems he was in need of some cash as emperors  usually are. Once they had some land, the family could be taken seriously. These days the country has a low corporate tax so it is overrun by successful businesses. So it should be easy to get a job if I need some extra retirement cash.

‘Course a yodeling gig might just be the thing for a retired Uncle Bardie.

New State Nicknames

Been thinking the States all need new nicknames. The old ones have become a bit worn out. So here’s a list I am proposing:

Alabama, the “between Mississippi and Georgia” state.

Alaska, the “I can see Russia from my house” state.

Arizona, the “wanna see our sinkhole…it’s a canyon” state.

Arkansas, the “Bill Clinton, need I say more” state.

California, the “who’s afraid of the big bad earthquake” state.

Colorado, the “our pot is better than your pot” state.

Connecticut, the “who can spell me” state.

Delaware, the “we’re bigger than Rhode Island” state.

Florida, the “we do know the difference between a dimple and a chad” state

Georgia, the “we have real pits in our peaches” state.

Hawaii, the “we’ve got lu’aus and surfing, what have you got” state.

Idaho, the “can you take some of these potatoes off our hands” state

Illinois, the “our President Lincoln was better than your President” state

Indiana, the “you spell it backwards and you’ve got anaidnI” state.

Iowa, the “we start the whole mess every four years, would you please forgive us” state.

Kansas, the “when you’re in Kansas, you know you’re in Kansas” state

Kentucky, the “wanna race” state.

Louisiana, the “oh, no, not another hurricane” state.

Maine, the “Stephen King scares us too” state.

Maryland, the “we’re in the Navy” state.

Massachusetts, the “home of the Boston cream pie, don’t you wish you had a pie as good” state.

Michigan, the “we’ve got four Great Lakes, how many do you have” state.

Minnesota, the”oh geez bet it’s gonna be cold tomorrow” state

Mississippi, the “we’re right next to Alabama” state.

Missouri, the “we can show you the way to Kansas, Dorothy” state

Montana: the “we warned Custer and he just wouldn’t listen” state.

Nebraska, the “Warren Buffet lives in our state” state.

Nevada, the “get married and divorced in 24 hours” state.

New Hampshire, the “can’t get more Yankee than us” state.

New Jersey, the “we’re really not that bad, we just play it that way on TV” state.

New Mexico, the “hey, come see our balloons” state.

New York: the “youse guys” state

North Carolina, the “we got nice mountains” state.

North Dakota, the “wish I was South Dakota” state.

Ohio, the “we’re named after a river, what are you named after” state.

Oklahoma, the “I’m just passing through” state.

Oregon, the “we’re just below Washington” state.

Pennsylvania, . the “nobody steals our stealers and we have the authentic cheese steak” state.

Rhode Island, the “yes we’re here.. just look really hard” state.

South Carolina, the “if you wanna be a Republican president, you better win our state” state.

South Dakota, the “I wish I was North Dakota, y’all” state.

Tennessee, the “state where al gore invented the internet and discovered global warming” state

Texas, the “our jack rabbits are bigger than your jack rabbits” state.

Utah, the “our capital is named after a lake” state.

Vermont, the “state where two hippies could make ice cream and name it after other hippies” state.

Virginia, the “older than all the other states” state.

Washington, the “rain and more rain” state.

West Virginia, the “we’re the only state that’s got west in its name, Kanye” state.

Wisconsin, the “our cheese really is cheese” state.

Wyoming, the “cow tipping” state.