Near 500 Words: The Snuggly-ugla-puss

In days of yore, there were thousands of snuggly-ugla-pi roaming the earth. They lived in the wild and considered every creature their friend. When God created the snuggly-ugla-puss, he wanted a creature that was exceptionally gentle. A creature that wouldn’t harm a fly. So He created the unicorn.

From the ancient records, there was a problem with the unicorn. The horn kept getting in the way of making friends. So God being God tried a new tact. He made the panda. But the bamboo were not happy about that.

God knew the third try would be the one to take. He reached down and took a blade of grass, some water from the kindest of streams and some good red dirt, and He made the snuggly-ugla-puss. Unlike the other creatures, it was neither carnivorous nor vegetarian. The way the snuggly-ugla-puss got its nourishment was from hugs.

On that first day, the snuggly-ugla-puss hugged God, then it hugged a lion, then a whale, then an earthworm. It hugged and hugged and hugged until there was nothing left to hug. Then it went and sat on God’s lap and hugged real hard. God was very pleased.

For centuries, the snuggly-ugla-pi roamed the earth in the wild. They were free as a bird. Every creature loved the snuggly-ugla-pi. And plants did too. When a tree saw a snuggly-ugla-puss, he smiled. He just knew he was going to get a big fat hug.

Unfortunately the snuggly-ugla-pi came into contact with man. Man did not know what to do about these wild creatures. He’d be sitting around his fire, roasting marshmallows. Out of nowhere, a snuggly-ugla-puss rushed him for a hug.

Now man may be a hunter. He may be a farmer. He may even be an engineer or an actor or a artist. But one thing is for sure. Man is not a hugger. Just ask his wife. So it was not a good thing when that snuggly-ugla-puss rushed the marshmallow roaster. The roaster did not know what to do.

For years and years, man hunted the snuggly-ugla-puss. Soon it looked like the great hugger would go the way of the buffalo and the dodo.

Finally a group of scientists got together and formed an organization, the S.O.S. Union. The Save Our Snugglys Union. It was made up mostly of Canadians. Oh sure there were a couple of Norwegians. But mostly Canadians.

The S.O.S. members went out in the wild and started catching the snuggly-ugla-pi before this gentlest of all God’s creatures went extinct. Today there is nary a snuggly-ugla-pus in the wild. The S.O.S. created a preserve for the the hugger somewhere south of Canada, west of Norway and north of the United States. It’s called Snuggly-ugla-polis and the caretakers are known as Snuggly-ugla-politans.

Before a caretaker is allowed to work at The Preserve, they have to take hugging training. Once someone has gotten a Masters of Huggology, they have a lifetime position on The Preserve. But the degree program is a rigorous one. You think it’s hard to become an astrophysicist or an astronaut. It’s ten times that hard to become a huggologist.

Once a year, on International S.O.S. Day, there is a Snuggly-ugla-pi-thon to raise money to support The Preserve and its occupants. The Preserve receives no government support. Only the generous donors can keep this important work continuing.

A very young Snuggly-ugla-pus

A Snuggly-ugla-puss longing for a hug.

An adult Snuggly-ugla-pus in a state of hibernation.

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