About Don Royster

Don Royster has spent many lifetimes accumulating adventures from a multitude of galaxies. Some of his magic carpet rides have taken him to Japan, the Phillippines, and Texas. Gifted with an insatiable curiosity, a love for creativity and a strange sense of humor, he has been a student, and still is, of everything from A to Zen and back again. Along the way he has written poems, stories and novels about his many adventures and travels. His latest adventure is the blog, Uncle Bardie's Stories & Such.

Five for Friday: America

Monday is our Independence Day. This one is for the country we love.

America by Simon & Garfunkel

Coming to America  by Neil Diamond

Don’t It Make You Want to Go Home by Joe South

When Fall Comes to New England by Cheryl Wheeler

America the Beautiful by Ray Charles

Purgatory

One foot in the water
One foot on the land
One’s turning left
One’s rightward bound

Like the Roman go Janus
Or the Gemini twins
One foot’s going outward
The other’s coming in

Straddling the proverbial fence
‘Tween today and the morrow
One’s on a road to hope
One regret and sorrow

One’s going to Hades
One to Avalon
Like Humpty Dumpty
I may crash and burn

So I take a moment
To charter moon and stars
And wonder what to do
When both feet spread too far.

Ads I would love to see on TV

Ad #1. Jeff is sitting in his kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal. He picks up the bowl and walks to the front door. Opens the front door, looks out. The birds are singing. The grass is green. The cocker spaniel lies on the front porch, dreaming his doggie dream. Jeff looks at his brand new car. It is a beautiful work of art. Then he sees his neighbor get in his car. The driver’s door falls off his neighbor’s Chevy. Jeff smiles, then calls out, “Hey, Bart. Doors don’t fall off my new Puchie.”

Ad #2. “Need a new car. It’s on your bucket list. Why not come on down and we can give you a killer of a deal on a hearse? We have them in seven gorgeous colors: red, yellow, blue, orange, pink, turquoise, and, of course, our most popular color, your basic black tie. If you want to go in style, this is the way to go.”

Ad #3. “Come on over to Brady’s Super Sports Store to get all your football supplies. Down here at Brady’s, we really know how to deflate a football.”

Ad#4. “Are you the kind of person who is always late for a date? We have the perfect organization for you. All our members are late for their dates. So join us at PU. That’s Procrastinators Unanimous. You’re never going to be too late for the party ever again.”

Five for Friday: Beth Hart

Been following this extraordinary musician for over ten years. Finally got to see her this year.

Caught Out in the Rain by Beth Hart

Over You by Beth Hart

Purple Rain by Jeff Beck & Beth Hart

Bad Woman Blues by Beth Hart

I’d Rather Go Blind by Beth Hart & Jeff Beck

The Camera Builder

Happy Father’s Day to all y’all Dads out there. Here’s one for you.

“That’s some camera, Pop.”

“That it is.”

“And you made it yourself.”

“All those spare parts we’ve been hoarding over the years.”

“You think Mom will like it?”

“I think she will.”

“So what now?”

“What do you mean what now?”

“I mean it is too heavy to take anywhere,” David said.

“Good point. Maybe I’ll just let it sit here in this one place and take photographs of the lawn. It should be interesting to see the changes.”

“So you’ll be the world famous lawn photographer.”

“That’s about it. That lawn has been bugging me since God knows when that I give it a Facebook page. Now I can.”

“Are you sure that it wants its own Facebook page.”

“It whispers it all the time. I’m out there mowing it and it’s whispering, ‘Facebook. Facebook. Facebook.’ You can’t hear it?”

“Nary a word.”

“Your mother thinks I’m crazy. Now you think I’m crazy. But I swear, as God is my witness, it’s demanding its own Facebook page.”

Why do you think that is, Pop?”

“It wants to have conversations with other lawns.”

“But there are no other lawns on Facebook.”

“Ours will be the first. but I’m here to tell you, it won’t be the last. Mark my words.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“Pretty soon they’ll start a revolution. Ours will be the leader.”

“Pop, you need to see someone. You’ve been paranoid about that lawn since I was a kid. First thing you were telling me was to watch out for the lawn. It’ll stab you in the back.”

“And it will too.”

“Anyway you’ve done fantastic work, building that camera. What’s next?”

“A submachine gun. Gotta keep that lawn in its place.”