Mr. Smith Teaches a Superhero Class

Mr. Smith stood before seven students on the roof of a twenty-story building.

“For today’s lesson, we are going to fly. Not learn to fly. But fly. Jimmy, you had a question.”

Jimmy, the one with his hand raised, nodded yes. “We’re not birds. We can’t fly.”

“No, we’re not birds. We’re superheroes.”

Emily raised her hand and asked, “Will there be a net?”

“No, Emily, there won’t be a net.”

Jason, the kid with the glasses, didn’t raise his hand. He just asked, “Are you sure? I’ve never flown before. I tried jumping off my dad’s barn. If I hadn’t fallen on a load of hay, I would have broken something.”

“Jason,” there was frustration in the teacher’s voice. “You can’t break something. You’re a superhero.”

Margaret looked scared. “Are you sure, Mr. Smith?”

“Of course, I am sure. I’ve been teaching twenty years and I’ve never lost a student. Now, class, step up to the edge.”

The seven twelve-year-olds turned and stepped onto the ledge. They looked down. It was a long way to the concrete below.

“Now jump off. And don’t forget to land on your feet.” Mr. Smith stepped behind each of his students, confident that they were going to fly.

Well, you’ve heard the old saying that turkeys can’t fly. Mr. Smith’s class couldn’t fly. His students hit the concrete below. And they hit it hard. When he heard the splats below, Mr. Smith’s mouth dropped open. What happened?

Just then, Miss Pettigrew, his assistant, rushed into the classroom. “Mr. Smith, what happened?”

She took the clipboard from his hand and read it, then she looked up at his face. “Didn’t you read this? It says here that this class is the X-ray vision class.”

He took the clipboard and read. The script was blurry. He squinted. Yep, it said “Flying”. He was sure of it. He looked down at the pavement below and said, “Darn kids.” Then he ripped off the page and handed it to Miss Pettigrew. He looked at the next class roster. “Well, it’s not my fault that they didn’t fly. Now, on to the Able-to-jump-tall-buildings class.” He passed the clipboard back to Miss Pettigrew.

She read the class title to herself. “No, Sir, it’s the Shapeshifting class.”

He grabbed the clipboard from his assistant and read, then he looked up at her. “Miss Pettigrew, do not argue with me. It’s the Able-to-jump-tall-buildings class.” There was a lot of frustration in his voice. He was starting to turn blue. When he went dark blue, all hell broke loose.

To calm him down, she said, “Yes, Sir. You’re right.”

Her soothing words brought him back to a state of calm and his body went back to its normal tan. Then he said, “Miss Pettigrew, I think you need some glasses.”

As he left the room, Miss Pettigrew said under her breath, “We know who needs the glasses.”

A new girlfriend

I got a new girlfriend
Her name is Spam
She loves me much
Just the way I am

She calls me up
We chat a lot
Bout this and that
Bout when and what

Two love birds
We’re having our fun
Our romance
A long distance one

She’s an Island girl
Sending me kisses
Been telling me
She’s a royal princess

One of seventeen daughters
Of a very poor king
Who’s in debt
Up to his ying yang

“Can you help him out?
Oh, I surely can
How much does he need
To pay off the man?”

If you’ve got it to spare
And I hope you do
A hundred bucks
Maybe two.

I sent her a check
It left me broke
But I’m glad
I gave her some hope

Then the FBI
Showed up at my house
Come with us
Or we’re gonna pounce

What did I do?
What is my crime?
Why are you here
Without reason or rhyme

Foreign relations
Without a license
You were dawdling
When you should’ve been passing

Now I’m in jail
For twenty years or more
Before I’m walking
Through that prison door

I had a new girlfriend
Her name was Span
Now my ups
Are looking down

Five for Listening: Harry Chapin

It’s easy to be a great human being. Write great songs, give all your money away and do beaucoup benefit concerts. That was Harry Chapin. And here are five of his great songs.

W.O.L.D.

I Wanna Learn a Love Song

Flowers Are Red

Shooting Star

Sniper

How the west was won with grit and heart

For some, it is “Roots”. For others, it is “The Thorn Birds”. For sitll others, it is “Jesus of Nazareth”. For me, the greatest mini-series is “Lonesome Dove”. It is television at its best. A great cast that includes Tommy Lee Jones, Robert Duvall and Anjelica Huston and a completely absorbing story. I have seen this mini-series several times and am always surprised how much I am moved by the characters and their stories. No other movie that I know of shows just how hard 19th century life could be. And it’s about men, and what men do though there are women who are as good, or better than the men in their lives.

Captain Woodrow Call, former Texas Ranger, decides he has to see Montana before he dies. Since they are partners and longtime friends, Captain Gus McCrae, also a former Texas Ranger, has to come along. Gus ain’t too keen on the notion but he goes. How could he refuse his friend? So it’s crossing the Rio Grande and into Mexico to steal horses and cattle for the trip ahead, then it’s north to Montana.

Along the way north, there’s rivers to cross. There’s Texas, Kansas, Nebraska, and finally, at the end of the rainbow, Montana. There’s water mocassins, Indians, gun fights, weather, stampedes, outlaws, gambling and romance. There’s days going without water, then there’s another river to cross and all the water you can drink. And there’s some hangings. Justice must be done. There’s the settling of old scores. There’s brutality but there’s persistence, kindness, justice and loyalty and love and there’s folks dreaming of a better future. And willing to stake everything on that dream. There’s birth and death and all the life in between, both the good and the bad. But mostly there is life to be lived. It’s about leaving and staying, and it’s about men and a cattle drive.

It is not about who has the fastest gun or who wears the whitest hat. It is the story of a wild country that won’t be tamed. It will bring out the best, and the worst, in a human being. It’s a world where choices really matter. Any decision could be a life and death one. It’s a world where you find out mighty quick who is true and who is not. It is a world where you see friends die and friends turn bad and friends standing up for friends.

It is the story of two men who argue and share the deepest part of themselves with each other, who see the best and the worst in each other and stand together, partners, friends. Woodrow mostly grunts and Gus talks and talks and talks. “He fell in with a bad bunch and we hung him.” “Not much. Shot a few Mexicans, drank a lot of whisky.” “I’d like to see one more place that ain’t settled before I take up the rocking chair.” “Nothing better than riding a fine horse into a new territory.” “Yes, I’m ready, Woodrow. Don’t I look ready.” “It’s been quite a party, ain’t it?” Like a great novel, by the end of it all I have lived a life with these characters and I miss them when they are gone.

Some call it an epic. Guess that will suffice but I would add that it is an epic with grit and heart. And for my money, that’s a mighty fine thing.

Do you have a favorite tv mini-series?