Furniture Love

I don’t want you
I don’t love you
You’re not the bean bag chair for me

I went to the store
Looking for decor

You sat in the corner
Like Little Jack Horner

Then I sat on your face
And loved your embrace

When I got back home
You sat all alone

The sofa didn’t like you
And your stand uppish blue

The chairs were staring
And they were a-glaring

Afraid I was pulling
Their legs, I was fooling

No need for their weeping
Them I’ll be a-keeping

There was no silver lining
Beanie’s hug was confining

So I went a-spurning
And it I was returning

That bean bag chair
Of yester year

I don’t want you
I don’t love you
You’re not the bean bag chair for me

Theme Song

If yours truly had a theme song, this would be it. It should be sung to the tune of Jimmy Dean’s “Big John.”

1.He was a heck of a man
With a slight slight tan
Six foot none
And his hair was gone.
He was Don, Big Don,
Big Tall Don.

2.He wore a hat
To the right it tipped
And dark glasses too
So he wouldn’t catch flu.
He was Don, Big Don,
Big Tall Don.

3.He was a library clerk
And he loved to work
He came in at noon
Sometimes a little too soon.
He was Don, Big Don,
Big Tall Don.

4.He arrived at work one Monday day
Everything was thrown every which-a-way
He looked from side to side and all around
There wasn’t a clerk anywhere to be found
He heard a noise from a way far-off
A still small voice with an obvious cough
He went to the cabinet sitting in front
He pulled out a drawer and began his hunt.
He was Don, Big Don, Big Tall Don.

5.The voice he’d heard it was down in there
Where it was he couldn’t be sure
He reached on in and pulled himself through
The hole in the drawer fit like a shoe
He followed that sound deep deep down
Through the caverns and caves he followed that sound
When after a heck of a whole lotta feet
He found himself just about to retreat.
He was Don, Big Don, Big Tall Don.

6.The hole got smaller but the sound grew louder
So on he plunged and the tunnel got tighter
While up above the librarians stood
And listened the best that they could
For the Yodeling Don and the lost clerks
Trapped deep down in the depths of the earth
He kept on moving and moving on he went
Creeping and crawling through every little vent.
He was Don, Big Don, Big Tall Don.

7.Until upon a group he finally came
All stuck under a pile of books and magazines
Well he digged and he dugged and he digged real fast
The air in that tunnel surely wouldn’t last
He pushed and he pulled and he got a clerk out
Sent her above as the librarians gave him a shout
There were ten, twenty, thirty clerks or more
And pulling them out was like mining for ore.
He was Don, Big Don, Big Tall Don.

8.But out they did come one by one
And the books they fell ton by ton
Barely missing clerk by clerk until
There was only one clerk left to kill
Then Don had saved them all
He’d come to the rescue and didn’t stall
But now he was caught in the head
Banged by a ten pound book about lead.
He was Don, Big Don, Big Tall Don.

9.First he was stunned and then knocked out
As he fell to the floor turning about
They came crashing upon him they fell
As the last rescued clerk crawled through the shell
Of an underground that was all blocked off
By all those books that had fallen rough
Upon the man they’d known as
Don, Big Don, Big Tall Don.

A Romantic Virtuality

Another pickin’ and grinnin’ lyric

I met you on WordPress
Oh, what a surprise that it was
I followed you on Twitter
Your tweets were oh so marvelous
I saw your selfie on Facebook
Joining Facebook became a must
Read your resume’ on Linked In
It gave me one heck of a crush

Chorus;
The font and pixel of you
The magenta, black, yellow and blue
Our virtual reality was cool
Our romance unbelievably true

It’s hard to know what love may be
I can’t tell, though I’ve made the rounds
I saw your photographs on Flickr
Before you moved on to Instagram
It was such a beautiful face
Always smiling, never a frown
Your voice was so incredible
Your podcasts a magical sound

I tried till I got up the nerve
To ask for a date, you said yes
Soon we were a steady pair
Asked for your hand, hoped for the best
Amazon and me were married
Our true love had stood the test
Now we’ve got a bundle of kids
Fire and Kindle and all the rest

Don’t Cry for Me, Miss Argentina

A pickin’ and a grinnin’ lyric
I’m at the Best Western
And she’s got the house.
She had an affair;
I looked like a louse.
She’s gettin’ it all,
The cat and the mouse.
I was such a fool
So I’m gettin’ real soused.

Chorus:
But don’t cry for me, Miss Argentina.
You could’ve been Miss World.
You went for The Pool Guy,
Now you’re just a regular girl.

She flipped her a dime.
It came up heads.
She went out dancin’.
I was on my meds.
She had her some fun,
Playin’ musical beds.
Left me for a pool guy.
‘Least that’s what she said.

I couldn’t give up,
Not without a fight.
If I didn’t try hard
I wouldn’t feel right.
Followed her around,
Keeping out of sight.
You wouldn’t believe
What I saw that night.

She got in her red coupe
And went for a whirl.
Hit all the hot spots
Dancin’ her twirls.
She’s doin’ nothin’
Bad ‘cept shakin’ her curls
Till I did see her
Kissin’ The Pool Girl.

Drew Carey’s in Cleveland

A pickin’ and a grinnin’ tribute to an  Oldie but Goodie

Drew Carey’s in Cleveland
With a big mug of beer.
He’s on t.v.
Coming in clear.

With a smile on his face
At the Drew Carey place
Drew’s telling his jokes
For all kind of folks.
He’s getting his yucks
With his “Oh, aw shucks.”
Drew Carey’s in Cleveland
Drinking his beer.

Mimi’s on the prowl
With her clownish scowl
At Winfred-Lauder.
Drew takes a powder
Away from his cube
To avoid their feud.
Drew Carey’s in Cleveland
Drinking his beer.

With Oswald and Lewis
And Kate, they’re the truest
Of friends in a bar
Where the keg is a star
And guzzling it down
Is the Talk of the Town.
Drew Carey’s in Cleveland
Drinking his beer.

Then Mimi bursts in
To the bar with a grin
And throws a big pie
Letting it fly
To splatter Drew’s face
In his drinking place.
Drew Carey’s in Cleveland
Drinking his beer.

Now Kate really pissed.
She puts up her fists.
“You’re ’bout to go down,
You sad little clown,”
Kate says with a frown.
Beats Mimi to the ground.
Drew Carey’s in Cleveland
Drinking his beer.

Now Mimi got wise
After that night’s demise.
She left Drew alone
Till Kate went and gone.
Then Mimi is back
Gives Drew such a whack.
Drew Carey’s in Cleveland
Drinking his beer.

Drew Carey’s in Cleveland
With a big mug of beer.
He’s on t.v.
Coming in clear.