Halloween Brew

Happy All Hallows’ Eve to you and yours.

‘Tis a dark and stormy night

The vampires are out for a bite

And the ghosties on the prowl

Something out there’s smelling foul

While down in Zombie Town

There’s the howl of a devil hound

And deep in Castle Vlad

Frank ‘N’ Stein are in their lab

Mixing up their ghoulish stew

Stirring up that Halloween Brew.

On Transylvania Street

There’s a lot of trick or treat

As the jack ‘o lantern choir

In their Halloween attire

Walk the walking dead dance

Skeletons doing their scary prance.

The headless horseman rides

With his head held at his side

In the Grand All Hallow’s

Eve Parade and Spooktastic Show.

Under a full witching moon

Midnight’ll be here soon

Then at “The Pit and Pendulum”

They’ll gather with their ghastly grins

For the Ushers will be there.

A cask of Amontillado they’ll share.

They’ll spill their tell-tale hearts

Spinning tales of the darker arts

And the time of the Halloween Brew

When they drank F ‘N’ S’s stew.

Another year rolls around

And the dead sleep safe and sound.

Then October shall arrive

When the dead come alive

For another show and tell

Under autumn’s darkest spell

When the goblins take to the air

For the Great Halloween Affair

And more of that Good Stew,

A tall hot mug of Halloween Brew.

Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick: Werewolves of London

It’s Thursday again. You know what that means. Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick. Uncle Bardie gives a double thumbs up to this week’s selection: Warren Zevon and his “Werewolves of London“.

Werewolves don’t get any respect these days. It’s all zombies here, zombies there, zombies everywhere. I’ve had it up to here with zombies. I say bring the werewolves back. They are much more scary, and they have bigger teeth too. And I can’t remember Warren Zevon ever doing a song about zombies. Why would he want to? Zombies are boring. So this Halloween let’s remember Lon Chaney Jr. and bring the werewolves back. We’ll all feel a lot better.

Politics in America 30: Inauguratin’

P F Sneaze, now The Great Man, stepped up to the plate. It was his turn at bat. Would he hit a home run or would he just bunt? This is always the question in the minds of the American people when they inaugurate the New Guy.

The Great Man took the Oath of Office and stepped to the podium. The American people held their breath. They were ready for some wisdom. They seldom got it but they were ready for it.

In his inaugural address to the nation, he said: “I want to be the President of all the Presidents, both foreign and domestic, alienated and non-alienated. And this we will do.” It was the shortest Inauguration Speech in the history of Inauguration Speeches. George Washington would have been proud. Abe Lincoln would have been proud. JFK would have been proud. School children would memorize it for generations. The Big Guy whispered to his auburn-haired wife, “Not bad. Not bad. Wish I had thought of that.”

Then the parades began. For hours, they just kept a-comin’. Till finally everybody had paraded out. Then the Big Guy handed the keys to the castle to the Great Man. Big Guy slipped away into history. The Great Man walked into the News Cycle known as the News Cycle.

You’ve heard the saying “a hot time in the old town”. Well, I am here to tell you that the Do Naughties had one do-naughty time that night. I won’t go into details. Just use your imagination.

After all the fluff and pizzazz of the Inauguration and the Inauguration parties and Inauguration balls, the presidential couple were tired. Their toesies were tired. Their ankles were tired. Their legs were tired. Their hands were tired. Their arms were tired. Their heads were tired. Even their hair was tired. I guess that you could say the presidential couple was tired.

So they went back to that big White House on Pennsylvania and went to look for a place to sleep. Unfortunately all the White House servants had retired. You see, they too were tired.

The presidential couple stumbled around in the dark since there was no one in the Residence to turn on the light switches. Finally they found the Presidential Stairs and drug his Presidential and First Lady buttskys upstairs. If ever there was a tired President, The Great Man was it. He was tired. It was way past his bedtime.

The Great Man took a rather large snort of Dr. Pudding’s Own Home Brew the next morning and walked into the Oval Office. On the wall behind the desk the White House Interior Decoratin’ Society had picked up just the day before at Ikea, there was a large portrait of Goof-off Sneaze. It was there to inspire the new President not to make a dang fool of hisself.

Beside the Presidential desk, Bessie Mae Hogg looked up and smiled. Finally she would be with her master. She had missed him so much since he had gone away to the Convention. She would have jumped up and rushed him if her 750 pounds would have let her. She decided, for the best, to just lay there and smile her delight.

Next Week Redecoratin’

Uncle Bardie’s Movie of the Week: Disaster & Survival

Once a week on Monday, Uncle Bardie shares a movie with his Readers he gives a big two thumbs up. It will simply be a short excerpt or a trailer. Uncle Bardie might even throw in a reflection on the movie. If so, it will make an appearance below the video. So pop some popcorn and give yourself a treat. This week’s movie is “The 33” (2015):

What would you do if you were trapped underground? For sixty-nine days? With thirty-two other people? And you only had enough food for thirty people for three days?

 

Jungle Etiquette

Buffalo, feeling Tiger teeth in his back, says to Tiger, “What are you doing?”

Tiger says to Buffalo, “I am about to have lunch.”

“Lunch?” Buffalo says to Tiger.

“Yes, lunch,” Tiger says to Buffalo.

“Not on my dime you’re not,” Buffalo says to Tiger.

“How you going to stop me?” Tiger says to Buffalo.

Buffalo says to Tiger, “You keep this up and you’re about to find out.”

Tiger says to Buffalo, “Yeah, right.”

All of a sudden the buffalo rises from his kneeling position, the tiger lifted in the air.

Tiger says to Buffalo, “Hold on now.”

Buffalo says to Tiger, “Let go.”

Tiger says to Buffalo, “No way.”

Buffalo snorts, then takes off.

“What are you doing?” Tiger says to Buffalo.

“Teaching you some manners,” Buffalo says to Tiger. Buffalo slams Tiger against a tree.

“Owww,” Tiger says to no one in particular. He lets go of Buffalo and drops to the ground.

Buffalo looks down at Tiger. “Next time ask.” Buffalo turns and charges away, knowing that he had better get the hell out of there. Otherwise he won’t be able to charge another day.