The Uncle Bardie Plan for New Year’s Resolutin’

To resolution or not to resolution. That is the $64,000 question.

Every New Year’s we sit down and make a list of all those bad behaviors we don’t like about ourselves. Or all those things we want to do. Then we resolve to do something about what’s on the list. That becomes our New Year’s Resolution List.

Like aiming for perfect, that is an exercise in frustration. Deep down we already know we probably won’t succeed with any of them.

As soon as we break them, it’s Humpty Dumpty all over again. Once you break that egg, there ain’t no way you’re going to put it back together again. You won’t be able to find all the pieces. And you’re left with nothing but a bad taste in your mouth.

So here’s Uncle Bardie’s Cure for New Year’s Resolution-itis. Goals.

When you set a Goal, you put a time on it. Then you come up with a strategy to achieve it. If you don’t achieve it by that time, you re-evaluate. Then re-set.

Example: I resolve to write every day in 2017. Then I miss one day. Man, what a bummer. Since I broke my resolution, I give up on the plan. If it had been a goal, my response would be, “No biggie, I will just keep trying.” Then I pick myself up and write the first thing the next morning. Miss the resolution, there’s guilt. Miss the goal, remind myself it was a goal and keep on trying. That’s the Uncle Bardie Way.

 

Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick: Light One Candle

It’s Thursday again. You know what that means. Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick. Uncle Bardie gives a double thumbs up to this week’s selection: “Light One Candle” by Peter, Paul, and Mary. This one is for Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights.

 

 

Politics in America 39: What in the Name of Betty Sue Pudding Is Going On? 

The President of the United States was in the Oval Office. He was doing Oval Office things. Like meeting the Ambassador from Some-Godforsaken-Place-He-Couldn’t-Pronounce. It was a dark and stormy night outside but he was all snug and cozy in the White House.

The Ambassador introduced himself. Of course, The Great Man, P F Sneaze, couldn’t understand the language. As far as he was concerned, it was gibberish. It was French.

He shook the dude’s hand and they tête-à-têted for a while. Tête-à-tête is French for shaking hands and making the most out of an uncomfortable situation. Like acting like you’re listening to an ambassador about something or other in French.

The President had to go for a pee. He knew it would be improper protocol to take a bathroom break right then. But it was getting to the point where he had to go bad. Really bad.

Now we all know that, when the President needs to go and take a leak and he doesn’t get to because he’s protocoling all over the place, all heck can break loose. He may accidentally push the red button and take out a country that was minding its own business. That was just about what was about to take place.

About this time, Maynard Gee, the Vice President who had not worked a day in his life, walked in on the President and the Ambassador. He took one look at the situation and he thought it might be a good idea if he got the heck out of Dodge.

One thing was for sure. When Maynard Gee smelled a lick of work, he was real good at getting hisself out of Dodge. He had graduated summa cum laude at the Institute of Getting-the-Heck-Out-Of-Dodge.

The President could hardly control himself. He had to pee that bad. He beckoned the V P over to say a big hey to the Ambassador. What can a Vice President do when a President beckons him over to do this or that? He definitely goes over to do this or that. It’s his job to do this or that, even if it means that he has to take out the garbage. After all, nobody but nobody says nay to the Leader of the Free World. Especially if that Leader is The Great Man.

The Vice President was cornered. So he did what any self-respecting Vice President would do. He walked over. The President indicated that he needed to be excused and he would be right back. When meeting an Ambassador, what does a Vice President talk about. The price of eggs in China, of course.

It was a good thing that the Vice President understood gibberish. I mean French.

The President said, “I’ll be right back.” Then he hurried out of the room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room. It was the Oval Office. But he did hurry out of it.

So there’s the Vice President tête-à-têting with the Ambassador from Some-Godforsaken-Place-He-Couldn’t-Pronounce and they were discussing the price of eggs in China when, you guessed it–

Next Week: Should Have Gotten Himself Out of Dodge

Classic Uncle Bardie: Three Cats’ Christmas

Like “A Bob Crachit Christmas”, I posted this one back in December, 2013. Even though Christmas has passed, I thought this would be a nice reminder. Hope you enjoy as much as I did writing it.

Three cats under the Christmas tree
Buster, Sister, Mama Peaches
All purring their yuletide carols
On this the night before Christmas.
They’ve kneaded their joy, now they rest
Curled up next to tinsel and snow,
Dreaming their dreams of Santa Paws
Meowing his jolly ho-ho-ho,
Hoping for some kitty-katnip
And a ball of yarn for their play.
Maybe a mouse or even two.
They dream and sleep this night away
But soon will come the Christmas morn
And all will be right with these three
For they will wake with a good stretch
And a big yawn under that tree
After a game of give-and-take.
They’ll hurry for their bowls of food
And munch and crunch and lick their paws
Clean and they’ll be in the best of moods.
Then they’re off for the Big Outside.
But before they rush out they take
One last turn ‘round the Christmas tree
Just so the three can celebrate
How long long ago a Babe
In a manger lay in the cold
Without a blanket or cover,
And no more than a few hours old,
When one scrawny and feral cat
Crawled in and curled about the Child
And kept the Baby warm that night.
Let Him sleep with a sweet, sweet smile.
The morning came, the sun did rise
Up east and warmed the Child below
While the cat slinked away, no more
To be seen but all the cats know:
How that Cat gave all that he had
Enough to keep away the freeze.
So now in heaven there’s a Cat
That never has to scratch for fleas.
As our three cats go out to roam
This Christmas day they take delight.
It was one of them, some Unknown
Company to Jesus that night.

Uncle Bardie’s Movie of the Week: Talented Children

Once a week on Monday, Uncle Bardie shares a movie with his Readers he gives a big two thumbs up. It will simply be a short excerpt or a trailer. Uncle Bardie might even throw in a reflection on the movie. If so, it will make an appearance below the video. So pop some popcorn and give yourself a treat. This week’s pick is “Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children” (2016)

I thought I would end with a movie I thoroughly enjoyed. Tim Burton has given me hours and hours of entertainment. Edward Scissorhands. Beetlejuice, Ed Wood, Mars Attacks, Big Fish, Alice in Wonderland and Big Eyes. All thoroughly enjoyable. I had been disappointed with Tim Burton lately. After “Dark Shadows” and “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see another of his films. Then I saw “Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children”. Hurrah, Tim Burton.

Even John Huston made some bad ones. So I forgive Tim Burton for the bad ones because of all the good ones he’s given me. Even though I did not read the book, I have to say that this is one of his good ones.